


Glee, but it's another chatfic

by Theweirdslingshot



Series: Glee, but it's another chatfic [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Both of them, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, bi! Marley, bi! Rachel, brittana's later getting preggo, but they are also only really implied so eh, chatfic, i'm a slut for groupchat fics, lesbian! Madison, lesbian! Quinn, lesbian! kitty, oh well then I can add them later, quinn and rachel have secret meetings, santana is a matchmaker for the younger girls, there's a lot of dirty jokes so I should really switch to mature, there's so many characters I probably forgot a few
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 80
Words: 26,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24970264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theweirdslingshot/pseuds/Theweirdslingshot
Summary: I fucking live for chatfics, so I made one myself.
Relationships: Alistair (Glee)/Spencer Porter, Artie Abrams & Blaine Anderson & Tina Cohen-Chang & Sam Evans, Artie Abrams/Tina Cohen-Chang, Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Madison McCarthy/Marley Rose, Marley Rose & Kitty Wilde, Rachel Berry & Kurt Hummel & Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce, Unique Adams & Jake Puckerman & Marley Rose
Series: Glee, but it's another chatfic [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2088378
Comments: 255
Kudos: 471





	1. Blondes turn swedish

_Artie invited Rachel, Kurt, Puck, Brittany, Santana, Quinn, Tina, Mike & Mercedes to the chat._

_Artie named the chat " **The New Directions** "._

* * *

Artie: Welcome dear friends. I thought the original members of 2009-2010 should have a group chat.

Rachel: Sounds great, Artie!

Kurt: Yeah... just one question though.

Kurt: Why is there only 10 members?

Artie: Finn is here in spirit <3

Rachel: <3

Mercedes: <3

Santana: <3

Puck: <3

Mike: <3

Tina: <3

Quinn: <3

Brittany: <3

Brittany: Wait why are we sending pacmans eating boobs

Puck: I-

Tina: THANKS NOW I CAN'T UNSEE IT

Santana: Sweetie that's a heart

Brittany: That's a very ugly heart if you ask me 3>

Kurt: aNyWay

Kurt: I get why Finn's not here, but we're still missing one member.

Artie: That's impossible, I counted everyone twice!

Mercedes: Yeah it's weird, we were 12 but it felt like it only were us 11

Tina: Who are we missing

Mike: Oh god

Tina: What?

Quinn: What?

Quinn: Oh jinx

Mike: MATT

Rachel: Who?

Mike: MATT. REMEMBER HIM?

Quinn: Oh yeah... didn't he play football?

Puck: Yeah he did! Fuck.

Brittany: Fuck by Puck. 

Artie: He... didn't talk much, did he?

Quinn: No...

Mike: No, he was more of a listener. 

Santana: He and I had a fling or something for a while?? Or no not really but we were like, standing next to each other and people thought we were having something

Mercedes: Wtf lol

Rachel: Ooookaaaay, let's just invite Matt!

Artie: ... I don't know his name here

Kurt: You could literally just search up "Matt", and i'm sure he would come up. I mean, we all have our names.

Artie: That's because I named you that for this chat.

Santana: So we can't change it?? Dammit I want to name Brittany "Scissor Queen"

Artie: YOu can do that in the comfort of your own chat.

Artie: Also, changing everyone's names to nicknames can be pretty confusing if there's a lot of characters. Trust me, I have been there.

Santana: I'm not a fucking character, four eyes. I'm a real person!

Brittany: Calm down babe, if you're a character people can write sexy stuff for you and you don't have to do anything other than enjoy it.

Rachel: You two are very cute, but please keep your inappropriate talk outside of the chatroom.

Santana: Oh, like we ever have done that before? PLEASE

Mike: Matt doesn't have this platform, sadly. He is very private.

Mercedes: That's a bummer.

* * *

Artie: So, what's on your minds?

Mercedes: Tater tots.

Kurt: Show tunes.

Rachel: Me.

Tina: Rachel that's the most accurate thing I have heard.

Rachel: Oh shut it Tina <3

Brittany: I'm thinking about blondes and how we can expand our magical powers.

Kurt: Can you expand on that, Britt

Brittany: Everyone knows blondes have magical powers, like doing the splits or turning swedish.

Quinn: Japp!

Puck: Wait, that's how you spell "yup"?

Quinn: In swedish, it is.

Brittany: Eftersom Quinn är blond så kan hon också börja prata svenska.

Puck: Can someone translate I don't read Brittanese

Quinn: Det där var svenska, din idiot

Artie: I understood nothing but "idiot"

Santana: Please, they're only using google translate.

Brittany: Jag sitter bokstavligen bredvid dig, Santana. Ser det ut som jag använder google översätt?

Quinn: Blondiner är magiska.

Tina: What is going on??

Kurt: Oh Brittany and Quinn is flexing with their magical powers of turning swedish

Tina: Seems legit. Can Sam do it, too?

Brittany: Nej.

Rachel: ...that means "no", right? I think I know that much.

Tina: But Sam is blonde?

Quinn: Magin funkar bara på blonda kvinnor, inte män

Santana: Ok Britt, speak to me out loud so I know you're not just using google translate.

Santana: OMG GUYS

Santana: I'm-

Santana: So Brittany just sang this song with a perfect swedish accent?? <https://youtu.be/zvq9r6R6QAY>

Quinn: Britt, vad säger du? Ska vi sjunga den låten tillsammans?

Brittany: Kan vi inte citera svenska memes istället?

Quinn: Ingen som läser detta kommer ens förstå svenska memes.

Brittany: "Nåå I don't think så"

Quinn: xD

Tina: Did she just say "No I don't think so" but with a very weird spelling?

Brittany: Yeah, it's from this video of a swede sucking at speaking english: <https://youtu.be/FF0bA3kVSMo>

Santana: Brittany that man is super racist wtf

Brittany: Yeah, that's why he was cursed with bad english.

Mercedes: Sounds legit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was no google translate in this chapter. I am fluent in swedish, that's my first language.
> 
> Hope you liked this! Comment if you want anything particular to happen in the fic. I'm not sure how often i'll update but I am open to hear what you would like to see!


	2. Where's Quinn?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic takes place before 2020, but after 2015. I don't know. It's just a timeless void.

_Artie invited Tina, Blaine, Sam, Marley, Unique, Ryder, Jake and Kitty to the chat._

_Artie named the chat " **New Directions 2.0**_ _"_

Artie: Hello humans! Welcome to the second generation of New Directions!

Sam: Why aren't me and Blaine in the first?

Artie: Because those are for the OG's, from the first year of Glee Club

Ryder: Uh quick question, why aren't we inviting Joe, Sugar and Rory here?

Artie: Tbh none of them really had an impact on me

Tina: They were literally in ND to fill up the 12 members

Kitty: Tbh Ryder you never had an impact on me either

Kitty: Artie does this mean I technically can start one with the "third" generation of Glee kids, since I was a part of that too?

Artie: I mean, yeah. I'm not a part of that, so you do you.

Blaine: I want to be in the same groupchat as Kurt!!!!!!!

Artie: No, you two would only flirt constantly.

Tina: Plus, Santana and Brittany is already more or less sexting over there at the moment...

Blaine: Kurt and I don't sext in group chats. We have standards.

Artie: Yeah, but you might be tempted to do it after seeing the horny bunnies named Brittana.

Kitty: Can I join your big chat

Tina: NO

Marley: I also want to join that one now

Tina: Did you guys literally want to join because Artie mentioned the Brittana part?

Artie: No response, huh? Cowards.

Unique: Come on Marley we can probably hack us in

Kitty: HACK ME IN TOO

* * *

_**New Directions** _

Puck: Hey has anyone seen Quinn

Santana: You are asking

Santana: In a groupchat

Santana: With people living in different parts of the country

Santana: Where your girlfriend, who also is a member of this chat, is.

Artie: The fact that you started every sentence with a big letter even if it wasn't a full sentence-

Puck: Yeah I can't find her she doesn't answer her phone

Mercedes: @FabrayQuinn94 Yo, your boyfriend's looking for you

Artie: You didn't change her OG username, Mercedes? I changed everyones.

Mercedes: Well I guess I haven't gotten the same imagination as you, Arts.

Artie: @PreachBlondie

Mike: What the heck kind of name is that?? Mine's @SkySplits for Quinn.

Tina: @FavoriteCheerio

Santana: Bitch is she your fave???

Tina: YEAH shut up 

Santana: I have named Quinn @Bestwhenshesdrunk and I think y'all don't need any context.

Brittany: @IkissedherbeforeSantanabutshemademepromisenottosayanything

Artie: I-

Puck: Guys we aren't here to discuss the times Quinn wanted to experiment with her besties, we are here to find her!

Santana: Wanky

Puck: @Babymomma Where are you??

Kurt: Dear fucking god Puck

Kurt: @ShelikesmakeoverssoIlikeher

Rachel: @Quinn<3

Santana: WAnKY

Rachel: What are you wanky-ing at?

Santana: Pics of Brittany, who tf else?

Kurt: DKFSJRTSGIEVIUVERGBNB

Mercedes: No seriously why do you have a heart after Quinn

Rachel: Because friends have hearts after their names?

Santana: WAnkYYYYYYYYYYYY

Rachel: Can you stop Santana I literally have never understood what you meant every time you ever said that

Rachel: @Quinn<3 You know Santana best, why is she saying that?

Quinn: First, I don't know Santana best. That price probably goes to Brittany. Why are you excluding her own wife? Second of all, just google what wanky means.

Brittany: Oh my god Rachel got Quinn to appear!

Santana: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Kurt: Jesus fucking christ

Puck: Quinn! Where have you been?

Quinn: My phone died. I'm at a café charging it now.

Puck: Oh ok coolio

Mike: I don't know how I ended up being friends with you all but it's fun seeing all your chaos play out.

* * *

_Quinn >> Rachel_

Quinn: I'm at the café right now. Where are you?

Rachel: I'm taking a longer way. Jesse messaged me again, he wanted to see me. I said I was sick.

Quinn: Why didn't you just say you were going to meet me? Lying isn't good in relationships. Trust me, I know.

Rachel: I actually have no idea why I lied... I just... I don't know.

Quinn: I ordered the cake you liked.

Rachel: Thanks. I'll be there soon.


	3. Hacker skills caps lock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why I write this fic instead of my fics with more thought out plots. Eh, this fic is fun. It's perfect when you don't want to think much.

_Unique >> Marley, Kitty_

Unique: Okay I think I know how to get in the original new directions group

Marley: Can't we just ask them nicely?

Kitty: Aww, Marley :)

Kitty: No :)

Unique: I watched this video about how to hack into groupchats. It was a 12 year old making the tutorial and I am not sure if they had a microphone or just spoke directly into the computer, and they definetly did not have a script. But they knew what they did, i'm sure.

Marley: Wow

Kitty: Wow

Kitty: Ha jinx

Marley: You know, i'm sure Blaine will somehow get in because his husband is in there. Maybe he can invite us.

Unique: That would be our plan O

Kitty: Jesus christ how many plans do you have Unique

Unique: Oh buckle up your seatbelts Kit-Kat, Unique's got some dish!

* * *

_Kitty invited Madison, Mason, Roderick, Jane, Spencer and Alistair to the chat._

_Kitty named the chat " **New Directions 3.0** "_

Madison: Wow this feels good, we are the third best.

Mason: No, we are the greatest because we were the third upgrade

Madison: NO, MASON, WE CAME IN THIRD PLACE AND THAT IS NOT GOOD.

Alistair: I probably won't talk much here because I don't really care for chatrooms, but i'm just wondering if we shouldn't invite the Warblers who joined our club?

Spencer: And Myron

Kitty: Myron's parents doesn't let him have this, they are extremly overprotective.

Jane: Hi!

Mason: Hi Jane!

Madison: Can you stop flirting please

Jane: We literally said hi

Kitty: God Madison if you can't handle someone saying hi then you can't handle what's going on in the number 1 New Directions chat

Madison: YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THE OG NEW DIRECTIONS GROUP CHAT

Kitty: No, but I have heard what's going on there

Madison: TtEELl mE

Roderick: Are you okay

Kitty: Ok I am concerned of your reaction but I am also a judgemental bitch so I will tell you to see your reaction

Kitty: A certain Santana and Brittany has been sexting openly in the groupchat. What I have heard. I am only a secondary source, so never trust me.

Madison: ArE YOU KIdding me

Mason: Maddie seriously are you okay should I call aunt Patty

Madison: YEAH I AM SERIOUSLY FINE DO NOT CALL aunt patty

Roderick: You switch between caps and not caps and you don't have big letters on names, so no, you're not fine.

Spencer: Who's aunt Patty

Mason: She is our aunt.

Jane: We understood that lol

Madison: kitty CAN YOU INVITE ME to the groupchat

Kitty: I told you i'm not in it.

Madison: THEN CAN I GO UP TO NEW DIRECTIONS 2.0 SO I AM CLOSER

Kitty: Why are you interested in rumours about Brittana maybe sexting publically?

Kitty: Plus you can't, you weren't there when it was going on

Madison: WELL SOrry for being bORN LATe

Kitty: But hey my friend Unique is trying to hack into it, maybe I can send you private messages later?

Madison: YEA 

Kitty: I am seriously concerned for you because you're acting super weirdly

* * *

_Santana >> Kitty_

Santana: Hey why is that twin girl from the reboot directions messaging me?

Kitty: What the fuck

Santana: She is asking me how me and Brittany are doing???? But she asks me in a super weird way, like changing from capslock to not caps in the middle of a sentence

Santana: She's either crazy or a lesbian

Kitty: I'm-

Santana: Just kidding

Santana: But seriously though someone should call a random aunt of hers. Aunts can help, as they are often more experienced in being crazy

Santana: And if the aunt has kids, then they will think your mom is the crazy aunt, and here's the full circle of niece/nephew-aunt relationships

Kitty: What are we talking about now?

Santana: I'll keep Madison in mind. I want to see if she's just drunk, drugged or high...

Santana: ...or if she's just crazy or a lesbian.

Kitty: I don't really understand you sometimes Santana but you're cool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what happened in this chapter and I have no idea if we ever will return to this subject ever again, but I just wanted to get in the s6 newbies somehow. And THIS is how I introduced them. I am myself very confused about what i'm writing, but it's also 1 AM and I have been told that's when I make my best work. Hope you enjoyed this chapter even if it was random asf


	4. Censoring leg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the feedback! I have listened to your suggestions and i'll try to get them into the chapters.

_**New Directions** _

Quinn: Hey didn't we name it "THE New Directions"? What happened to the "The"????

Artie: I don't know, it disappeared I guess.

Quinn: Anyways, how is everybody?

Santana: Remember Madison?

Rachel: Oh, one of the students I recruited? <3333

Brittany: I feel very disturbed by the amount of 3's Rachel has.

Santana: Anyway, she has messaged me constantly for the past days asking how me and Britt are doing

Santana: AnD SHE WRITES like tHIS

Brittany: So she's crazy or a lesbian?

Santana: That's what i'm thinking

Artie: Wait Britt aren't you bi

Brittany: Yes?

Artie: So how can you see who's a lesbian?

Kurt: OH MY GOD

Artie: Can't only lesbians see who else is a lesbian...?

Brittany: But i'm blonde

Santana: Okay four eyes are you fucking serious

Quinn: Anyone's who is in the LGBTQ+ community and is a judgemental bitch has an awesome gaydar.

Santana: Preach Q

Santana: Anyways according to Kitty she heard that me and Brittany is sexting in this groupchat? 

Brittany: Who said that?? Tina?

Artie: Yes

Tina: NO ARTIE DID

Santana: Well... what if we make the rumours true and take screenshots 

Rachel: Santana no you will scare Madison to death

Santana: Yeah but not Kitty

Santana: Brittany what do you say we put on a show, Artie or Tina screenshot it to Kitty, and then Kitty will most likely send it to Madison

Rachel: No...!

Kurt: If you gonna do it warn me so I can mute the chat

Artie: Well you all know my favorite movie is _two girls, one cat_ so yeah I will allow this

Brittany: How do you make words scribbly like that?

Artie: But - I will put in some censorships in your words. Not because this is rated teen and we have to have standards if we are handling this subject unless we want to switch up to mature, but because I like to tease people if they don't know all the words you're actually saying

Santana: Sounds really bitchy, I love it.

Tina: Alright are you gonna do it... now? Because I wanna message Kitty and the rest, they will freak out

Brittany: YEAH

* * *

_**New Directions 2.0** _

Tina: Hey Santana and Britt are on it again

Kitty: WHat

Kitty: SHOW US

Kitty: I mean what are they writing

Unique: Easy girl

* * *

**_New Directions_ **

Tina: Ok they are prepared.

Artie: I'm ready to take screenshots, girls. Give me everything.

Santana: Well Artie what you just said reminded me of last week when me and Brittany drank some wine in the living room

Brittany: Oh yeah... the fridge had been empty and I asked you what I should eat

Santana: Me, of course

Brittany: Sounds delicious

Santana: Yeah and we got some ##### both of us

Brittany: Oh don't forget the part where I made your ######## almost explode because my right ### really can go high up

Santana: Perks of being a cheerleader

Santana: But we weren't done, no, we decided to go to the hallway and tried #### ### 

Brittany: I hit my head but it was fun

Santana: Yeah babe what do you say we do it again but this time we're going into the closet and ####### until the neighbours think there's ghosts in the vents

Brittany: I thought you'd never ask.

Santana: Ok so we

* * *

Artie: Girls it has been an hour and Santana didn't finish her sentence

Santana: Oh but I finished everything else

Santana: I'm fine

Brittany: We are very fine but our neighbours just called and asked if we have noticed any paranormal activity

Quinn: Wait are you serious

Santana: Totally

Mercedes: Girls i'm laughing my butt off right now I love you

Santana: Though Artie you censored a lot of words? Why did you censor ###?

Santana: L E G

Artie: I had to be careful, you never know what you can get up to

Artie: And I have sent screenshots. 

Santana: Great i'll see if Madison will message me again

Brittany: Or if Kitty's a bitch and keeps them to herself

* * *

_Kitty has sent 5 screenshots._

Sugar: Kitty you didn't tell me you had contact with Brittany and Santana

Sugar: I have tried to message them but they have blocked me, I think I will pay them

Kitty: FUCK WRONG PERSON

Sugar: I don't know if I who wrong person is, but I don't really get intimate with strangers. They might be poor.

Sugar: Can you give me Santana and Brittany's usernames?

Sugar: Hello?

Sugar: Kitty?

* * *

_Kitty has sent 5 screenshots._

Kitty: Please say this is the right person.

Alistair: I don't think it is

Kitty: Dammit

Alistair: These messages are pretty perverse, so if I would send them I would be very careful to who I send them to

Kitty: Shut up Alistair no one cares

Alistair: You're not very nice. But good luck sending it to the right person

* * *

_Kitty has sent 5 screenshots._

Brittany: Oh I didn't know I could be so sexy

Kitty: HKNNEVWWRONG PERSON

Brittany: Also can you invite me to that New Directions 2.0 groupchat as I was a classmate with all of you

Kitty: Uh sure but now I gotta go

* * *

_Kitty has sent 5 screenshots._

Kitty: Please please please let this be Madison I sent to

Madison: yES THAT'S me

Kitty: Good I had to check so I didn't send it wrong

Madison: IT WOULD BE PRETTY EMBARRASING to send it WRONG

Kitty: Yeah... glad I didn't do that

Kitty: So what did you think? I got them from Artie.

Madison: I haven't read it yet.

Madison: NOW I HAVe

Kitty: Judging by your capslock you reacted strongly

Madison: IF I HAD TO send those to somEONE I WOULD ACCIDENTALLY SEND IT WRONg TO ATLeaST 3 PEOPLE BECAUSE OF ALL THE FEELINGS YOU GET FROM READING IT

Kitty: Yeah... lol

Kitty: Also I realised Brittany technically should be a part of the 2.0 groupchat and if we invite her we can get closer gossip on the Brittana topic

Madison: COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kitty: Seriously you are not okay


	5. Santana the matchmaker

**_New Directons 2.0_ **

_Kitty invited Brittany to the chat._

Brittany: I'm still mad over the fact that you didn't invite me immediately.

Sam: Aww but you're here now! Hi Britt-Britt!

Brittany: **O N L Y S A N T A N A C A N C A L L M E B R I T T - B R I T T**

Artie: Brittany doesn't know how to write in italics, but in bold script she's apparently a master

Sam: I'm scared

Brittany: @SamSamontheSamPlanet Lady Tubbington told me in her secret lady language that you kept her in a backpack for more than 14 hours, and that is not okay.

Ryder: Is that your name for Sam???

Brittany: Yeah, I believe everyone named Sam actually was the character SamSam from a french cartoon from 2007

Kitty: ...how do you know about french cartoons? I don't recall that show airing in America

Brittany: I am Brittany

Kitty: What?

Brittany: Also the author is european and in Europe they often air each others kids shows since many european countries are pretty small and they suceed better by collaborating and showing them in multiple countries, and it's fun referencing them.

Jake: Ok

Brittany: Anyways Lord Tubbington is helping Lady to cancel you online so beware Sam I can't help you

Sam: Thanks Brittany I feel very safe.

Blaine: Brittany how is the big groupchat? Me and Sam are locked out from there.

Tina: YOU COULD ASK ME AND ARTIE TOO

Brittany: Last time me and Santana pretended to sext and then we actually had sex and scared our neighbours.

Kitty: EVUET3HCIW EB

Kitty: Wait pretended to sext?

Artie: oH WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL REAL

Artie: Right Tina?? We thought it was real? 

Tina: YEAH

* * *

_Artie >> Tina, Brittany_

Artie: Brittany Kitty doesn't know it was fake

Brittany: Oh yeah we pretended to sext for her sake 

Brittany: And Madisons.

Brittany: Those girls are some horny rabbits.

Tina: Just pretend like you have fooled us

Brittany: On it

* * *

**_New Directions 2.0_ **

Brittany: Oh lol we really fooled you then!

Unique: Brittana is the biggest pranksters.

Artie: Yeah you really got us

Blaine: Invite me in!!

Tina: So you and Kurt can openly sext too?

Blaine: I said we would never do that in public!

Kitty: Yeah you're like the least sexiest couple ever

Blaine: Excuse me we have very sexy conversations!!

* * *

_Blaine >> Kurt_

Blaine: I'm going out grocery shopping, we're out of carrots

Kurt: I'm out right now, I can shop. Can you check if we have ice cream?

Blaine: We do have ice cream, but it's only vanilla and half a carton of rasberry sorbet

Kurt: Ok i'll buy some chocolate ice cream

Blaine: Yummy!

* * *

_Santana >> Madison_

Santana: You have been awfully quiet. You practically spammed me the other day

Madison: oH YOU ARE MESSAGING ME

Santana: I am. I'm worried about you. A normal person does not switch between caps and not caps like that.

Madison: YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT ME BUt I am just a little HIGH school GIrl and yOU aRE SATAN

Madison: A

Santana: You know the last time I had contact with a sophomore girl she fainted on stage and I was the only who cared about her

Madison: WHY DID SHE faint

Santana: She hadn't eaten anything because Kitty made her think she had to lose weight

Madison: Oh

Santana: Kitty can really make trouble. I think you and that girl should talk. You could bond over Kitty's crazyness

Madison: KITTY IS not crazY

Santana: Girl I am a judgemental bitch so I say she is.

Santana: Satan-a has spoken. And she will give you the username of someone I think you should talk to.

Santana: Mostly because you're being a bit weird towards me so I think I should pair you up with someone.

Madison: OKAY!

* * *

Madison: HELLO. IS This Marley?

Marley: Yeah. Hi.

Madison: I'm Madison.

Marley: Nice to meet you!

Madison: So do you know Kitty? 

Marley: Yes.

Madison: Isn't she crazy?

Marley: Yeah... she is, lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you feel like knowing my tumblr, it's "weirdthoughtsandideas".


	6. Brittany might be the biggest troll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the part written in italic in this chapter between Quinn and Brittany is to show that they are speaking out loud, since it's a talkshow. I just wanted to point that out in case someone got confused.

_**New Directions** _

Brittany: Hello, I will do a livestream of fondue for two in a while.

Santana: **EVERYONE GO IN AND SUPPORT MY WIFE**

Artie: Of course! Who's gonna be your guest?

Mike: I can be your guest, Britt, if you don't already have one.

Brittany: Oh maybe next time, Mike, I have a guest.

Mike: No probs!

Quinn: I'm her guest!

Rachel: Quinn have you ever been a guest there?

Quinn: I don't think so.

Tina: Exciting!

Santana: **S U P P O R T M Y W I F E Y O U G U Y S**

Tina: I'm always going to support fondue for two! <3

Mercedes: Yes!

Brittany: Quinn I will set up the camera soon, are you ready? I will call you in a minute.

Quinn: Yes!

* * *

**_Fondue for two - livestream_ **

_*Music* Fondue for two! Fondue for two! That's some hot dish! Fondue for two!_

_Brittany: Hi and welcome to this special episode of fondue for two. We decided to have a livestream today to connect with the fans more and let them ask questions live to todays guest! Miss Quinn Fabray!_

_Quinn: Hi!_

_Brittany: Oh my, people have already started to post questions. Let's see if we can find a good one here..._

_Brittany: Oh, here's a good one. "Quinn, how do you respond to rumours about you secretly meeting Rachel Berry in cafés?" by user "FaVerrylover". I think they spelled their name wrong but maybe it's supposed to be that way..._

_Quinn: Eh... me and Rachel have met on cafés, sure, but I don't know if secret-_

_Quinn: What are these questions?_

_Brittany: Do you prefer fondue or cold cheese_

_Quinn: I don't know, I haven't eaten a lot of cheese actually._

_Brittany: Ooh, here's a question from "Skysplits"! That's one of our old cheerios friends!_

_Quinn: Oh, hi Sky!_

_Brittany: She asks "Was it you who drew pornographic pictures of Rachel in sophomore year?"_

_Quinn: I-_

_Brittany: I can actually answer this one. Yes, she did._

_Quinn: Heh..._

_Brittany: Me and Santana actually had a joke going on that Quinn and Rachel secretly made out because they had such heated discussions_

_Quinn: Wait, what?_

_Brittany: And Sue- You all know Sue Sylvester? She has cameras everywhere, and sometimes we would watch Quinn and Rachel chat and just laugh. I wonder why they weren't the ones she locked inside a fake elevator._

_Quinn: Britt-_

_Brittany: Anyways, that's all we have for today. Thanks for being a guest today, Quinn. Thanks everyone who gave us questions._

_Brittany: Also, "Spambot33", I will check out the link in your bio. Your many smile and water drop emojis makes me more curious._


	7. Tina wants coffee

Tina: I want coffee


	8. Some pairings content

_**New Directions** _

Quinn: Seriously I KNOW we named it ”THE New Directions” this is a pet peeve

Tina: I still want coffee

Artie: Then get coffee babe

Mike: Wait... babe? Since when did you two become a thing?

Santana: Oh please those two were always a thing

* * *

_**New Directions 3.0** _

Roderick: So how is Glee club now for you guys? Me and Kitty have graduated

Spencer: It’s pretty good!

Alistair: Yeah, we have become good friends with the warbler boys

Spencer: Well, you have, Al. I don’t talk with them a lot lol

Roderick: How about you guys? Jane, Mason, Madison?

Mason: I’m good!

Jane: Me too! Me and Mason are practising an assignment that Sam gave us 

Roderick: Wait, Sam??

Spencer: Did you forget Mr. Schue is a principal now and Sam took over as a coach for the New Directions?

Roderick: Oh no I completely forgot that 

Madison: I’m fine, too!

Kitty: Wow this is the first time I’ve seen you write normally, Madison.   
  


Madison: What do you mean?

Kitty: Little miss ”i CHANGE BETWEen caPS AND NOT CAPS all the timE” has stopped

Jane: Yeah Mads what was that about 

Madison: Idk, but I don’t write like that anymore

Mason: You have been spending an awful lot on your phone lately, sis. Has something on your phone made you calmer?

Kitty: Or has SOMEONE on your phone made you calmer?

Madison: I don’t know what you guys are talking about


	9. Blaine can’t sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this on my phone at 2 AM. I’m very tired and I don’t know why I decided to write this instead of sleeping.

_Blaine >> Kurt _

Blaine: Sometimes I wonder why everything that exists exist

Kurt: What?

Blaine: Kurt I can’t sleep

Kurt: Is that why you are texting me even though I lie next to you?

Blaine: I don’t want to use my voice. It’s loud.

Kurt: It is. And I love it. But now sleep.

Blaine: I can’t!

Kurt: Then... talk to Britt or something. She’ll probably want to talk. 

* * *

_Blaine >> Brittany_

Blaine: Hey Brittany are you awake

Brittany: My left middle toe was vibrating so that either meant someone wanted to talk, or Santana was trying a new kind of foreplay in her sleep

Blaine: Santana does foreplay in her sleep?

Brittany: Yeah, and it’s hot. We of course doesn’t have actual sex unless both of us are awake or if both of us are asleep.

Blaine: Anyway I can’t sleep Britt, can you help me?

Brittany: You could try laying yourself in a weird position in your bed, and when you wake up it will feel like you had a wild party the night before and don’t remember anything, when you really just did it on purpose

Blaine: Hm. Any other advice?

Brittany: Frogs

Blaine: Amazing.

Brittany: Hey I need to sleep but I promise my sleeping self won’t send you hateful messages

Blaine: Goodnight Britt!


	10. Santana's the best

_**New Directions** _

Puck: Quinn where are you?

Santana: Again, why are you asking this in a groupchat?

Quinn: I'm at the café

Quinn: With Rachel

Brittany: Yeah you have to say this now after you were in Fondue for two

Artie: OwO

Quinn: ...

Puck: You're meeting her a lot

Rachel: We have a lot to discuss.

Artie: Btw Santana how did it go with Madison 

Santana: Oh I paired her together with Marley. I don't know if they talk a lot but she doesn't talk to me anymore

Tina: Wait... does Marley like girls

Rachel: Does MADISON like girls?

Santana: You two don't have any gaydar at all

Tina: Excuse me remember that I was the one who told Rachel and Kurt about you dancing at that lesbian bar

Santana: I still wonder how you got to know that

Tina: I just know things, because I like to gossip

Artie: I remember back when you thought Brittany and Mike cheated on us because Mike tasted lipsmacker and Brittany had lipsmacker

Mike: Wait, what?

Santana: Babe you DO taste like lipsmacker

Brittany: I do :D

Artie: The question is, how does Tina know that?

Brittany: Oh I kissed Tina once when I was sophomore and she was freshman

Artie: Wait... _Tina was that why you sang I kissed a girl for your audition_

Kurt: CONSPIRACY THEORY

Brittany: Seriously how do you make scribbly letters like that

Artie: Tina answer me woman

Mike: Brittany has kissed everyone in the entire school

Kurt: Yeah I bet even Rachel kissed her

Brittany: Can confirm

Santana: GayBerry, come out!

Artie: Scaredy cats won't admit they kissed a girl

Santana: Everyone kissed my wife, that's just how it is

Santana: Yet she chose me out of all you losers, so HA!

* * *

_Madison >> Marley_

Madison: So... what do you think about Santana

Marley: I think she's cool. 

Marley: She made me feel safe

Madison: In what way?

Marley: Well... I haven't told you this but I... had an eating disorder before

Madison: Oh...

Marley: Yeah... i'm better now, but Santana was the only one who realised I wasn't feeling well. 

Madison: Santana's great

Marley: Yeah... she really is. 

Madison: I'm trying to be as great as her

Marley: Why? You like her? ;)

Madison: No I mean yes but like not like that I look up to her she's the coolest she is 

Marley: Are you... okay? I was only joking

Madison: Yeah I knew. I knew that you joked

Madison: Can I have your number where do you live

* * *

_Santana >> Brittany_

Santana: Brittany, i'm lying in bed right now. Where are you? What's that noise?

Brittany: I'm in the kitchen.

Santana: At 4 AM? Why? Do you want me to get up?

Brittany: I wanted to bake a cake for you.

Santana: What?

Brittany: Yeah.

Santana: You're baking a cake for me at 4 AM? 

Brittany: Well. I woke up, and I was thinking about how much you remind me of happy things, like cake. So I needed to bake you one before I fell asleep again.

Santana: Brittany, I don't know what I should say

Brittany: I love you so much, Santana. So much that I need to make this cake just for you with all the love I have inside.

Brittany: It's in the oven right now.

Santana: Brittany, I... I love you so much it hurts

Santana: Can I come downstairs and hug you?

Brittany: You can come down and do so much more than hugging to me.

Brittany: The cake's ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure I should've written something considering what's going on, but... I really wanted to write something. Something sweet and hopeful.
> 
> I hope all of you liked this chapter. Take care of each other.


	11. We love you <3

* * *

_**New Directions** _

Brittany: Santana is the best person in the whole wide world and I love her so much.

Kurt: Oh, any reason? Besides that she’s your wife, lol. Like, has something happened?

Brittany: I just wanted this chat to know how much I love Santana.   
  


Kurt: Yeah, Santana’s the best. It was so fun with her in New York.

Rachel: Even if she and I fought a lot, I always knew she would have my back. And she had. I remember when I was scared I was pregnant and she was the only one who took it seriously. And when that thing with Brody happened... oh, and... well, she has helped me a lot.

Tina: Santana always made my day with her funny comments and face expressions.

Mike: It was always an honor to dance with her.

Puck: Santana made me feel like a man!

Quinn: Ew

Quinn: Santana will always have a special place in my heart together with Brittany. We are always the unholy trinity, even if we didn’t hang out as much as people thought.

Mercedes: And the girl got a voice! With her and my talent combined we were unstoppable.   
  


Artie: I really appreciate the way Santana just does whatever she wants, and does it so flawlessly.

* * *

**_New Directions 2.0_ **

Sam: Hey guys what’s up?

Brittany: I’m telling all my friends how awesome Santana is.   
  


Sam: Oh yeah, Santana’s really awesome. And I love how protective she is of you, Britt. You two are a match made in heaven

Blaine: Santana’s coming out journey was truly inspiring. I’m still so proud of her.

Marley: Santana saw that I felt bad when no one else did.

Kitty: I always aspire to be her. She and Quinn, but right now... mostly her.

Ryder: Yeah Santana rocks

Jake: She does

Unique: I have never been afraid to be myself around her, she’s the best.

* * *

**_New Directions 3.0_ **

Mason: What is everyone doing?

Jane: Mr. Evan’s assignment for this weeks Glee club

Kitty: God I always forget Sam is teaching you now for some reason 

Kitty: Anyways, we are appreciating Santana in another groupchat.

Jane: Oh, rightfully so. That girl is awesome.

Roderick: The way she proposed in the choir room like that... awesome. I still think about it. No one is like her.

Mason: When she and her friends danced on the cheerios practise... I loved it so much. She made us join Glee club.

Spencer: I never got to know her that well but she always felt nice

Alistair: Same for me. I barely know her but she seems very cool and awesome.

Madison: SANTANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kitty: Yes, Mad. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

* * *

  
Santana: Hey Brittany why is my phone buzzing with notifications about people telling me how much they love me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think there’s more that has to be said. We will miss you, Naya. Say hi to Cory from us 


	12. Glee Spoofs and chill

_Rachel >> Quinn_

Rachel: Hey, here’s the link to that funny video I talked about before: <https://youtu.be/IjfhKzJlc0g>

Quinn: Cool! I’ll watch it right now

Quinn: Omg I need to watch that show in context now lol

Rachel: Yeah it’s great. I always loved the scenes with Lea and Dianna’s characters. Lowkey shipped them actually

Quinn: Lol. Why does it remind me of Mckinnley?

Rachel: I know right!

Rachel: Hey... I have all the episodes on dvd... wanna come over and watch?

Rachel: And tell Puck beforehand or he’ll ask in the groupchat again where you are lmao

Quinn: I would love to come over <3


	13. What did they do? Will we ever know?

_Quinn >> Rachel_

Quinn: Hey Rachie... thanks for yesterday.

Rachel: Thanks yourself. It was a very nice experience.

Rachel: Do you think you’ll mention this to Puck.

Quinn: It would just go over his head if I told him. Besides... some secrets are more fun to keep to myself. 


	14. Important message

Brittany: There are no voices in the pancake


	15. Kitty needs to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know why I still write this thing

Santana _ >> Brittany_

Santana: Hey Britts your computer is going off a lot, I turned the sound off

Brittany: Oh yeah they were confused of my statement about how there were no voices in the pancake

Santana: Well it’s a good thing there’s no voices, because I want to eat my pancake.

Brittany: I want to eat _you_

Brittany: Oh did that come out wrong?

Santana: Babe you learned to use the scribbly letters Artie writes in!

Santana: Also... no, it did not ;) Get over here.

* * *

**_New Directions 2.0_ **

Marley: What’s happening? 

Artie: Just trying to figure out if two of my friends are dating, you know, the usual

Marley: Aww how fun

Kitty: Which of your friends?

Artie: That’s private

Tina: It’s Rachel and Quinn, right?   
  


  
Sam: Quinn once had sex with a latina lesbian so I think if she and Rachel were a thing it would’nt be weird

Kitty: Latino lesbian?

Brittany: My wiiiiife!!

Kitty: Oh... what was... the occasion they...?

Artie: We’re focusing on Rachel and Quinn now and not Quinn and Santana’s little One time thing 

* * *

_Kitty >> Santana_

Kitty: YOU HAD SEX WITH QUINN FABRAY?!

Santana: What’s the context to this question? 

Kitty: Artie said he suspects Rachel and Quinn are a thing and Sam said it would be understandable because Quinn had sex with a latino lesbian

Santana: There’s a lot of latino lesbians

Kitty: The only other I can come up with is Elena Alvarez and why would SHE have sex with Quinn 

Kitty: Also Brittany said it was her wife

Santana: Dammit Brittany and her love for me

Kitty: So... did you and Quinn get it on?

Santana: The better question is... Why do you care about this?


	16. Some samcedes for our hearts

_Sam >> Mercedes_

Sam: Hey Mercie

Mercedes: Did you just say "thank you" in french?

Sam: That's not how you spell that

Sam: I think

Sam: No I was trying to come up with a cute nickname for Mercedes

Mercedes: Oh ok

Sam: So what's up

Mercedes: I'm busy right now, Sam, can we talk in an hour or so?

Sam: Yeah yeah sure

Sam: Cool

Sam: io

Sam: Cool-io pool-io

Sam: Lo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me suggestions if you want me to focus on a specific character, ship or if I should talk about a certain topic!


	17. Puppy Love

_Madison >> Marley_

Madison: Hey I saw the video of you guys performing at regionals. I loved your solo.

Marley: Thank you! That was an original song I wrote, actually.

Madison: Your voice... it's so awesome.

Madison: So, do you have any siblings or anything?

Marley: Nah, i'm an only child. I live with my mom. You?

Madison: I have a twin brother, Mason. He's a bit of a moron xD

Marley: Oh, twins!

Madison: Yeah, we literally only have each other so we know each other outside and in... other kids joke that we are together

Marley: WTF

Madison: Yeah like I don't even like boys

Madison: That came out wrong I MEant tHAT I CAN DATE BOYS AND STUFF BUT I don't like them

Marley: You're writing weirdly again

Madison: Sorry. I don't know why that happens.

Marley: It's okay ^^

Madison: So regarding my question last time we talked...

Marley: You mean "can I have your number where do you live"? 

Madison: Yes

Marley: I thought you were joking, but if you're serious... then I guess... yes :D You can have my number!

Madison: Yay! Imma call you if that's okay. I want to hear your voice.

Marley: Sure!

* * *

**_New Directions 3.0_ **

Mason: Madison is talking on the phone and she refuses to tell me who she talks to

Mason: She even blocks me out of our telepathical twin conversations

Jane: What is she talking about on the phone?

Mason: I don't know, but she giggles a lot and says she likes the persons voice.

Roderick: Is it smart for you to write this in the groupchat? She can see.

Mason: She doesn't answer me so I have to vent somewhere right

Spencer: Valid

Kitty: Oh god what if Madison has a crush

Mason: Oh no she'd tell me

Mason: Unless she wants to keep it secret...

Mason: And... in that case... why does she want to keep it secret...

Roderick: You know she'll read everything that we write here?

Kitty: Oh please

_Kitty has deleted 13 messages._

* * *

_Quinn >> Santana_

Quinn: Hey I can't stop thinking of what we did... Puck is out tonight, wanna come over? I told him I might invite you over so he won't get suprised.

Santana: What the heck

Santana: Quinn i'm married

Quinn: OH SHOOT WRONG PERSON

Santana: WHO WAS THE RIGHT PERSON

Quinn: NO ONE IMPORTANT SORRY FOR MESSAGING YOU BYE

Santana: QUINN

_Santana has called Quinn 1 times_

Santana: GIRL

Quinn: I'm not picking up, i'm busy texting the person I was actually going to text

Santana: LUCY QUINN FABRAY

SANTANA: WHO IS IT

Quinn: How the fuck did your name get written in caps

Santana: I got some of Brittany's magic abilities

Santana: Now TELL ME

_Quinn has muted Santana for 2 hours._

Santana: Bitch


	18. Santana’s gay group

_Santana added Quinn, Kitty and Madison to the chat.  
_

_Santana named the chat **”Lesbians who need help”**_

Santana: I think y’all need to talk to each other instead of talking to me.

_Santana has left the chat._

Quinn: What?

Kitty: I beg your pardon?

Madison: JEUDIujbwdkiIsyhwevbedib WHat DOES SHE MEAn I doN’t understand

Quinn: Is this because I accidentally sent a text wrong to Santana yesterday?

Kitty: Oh I have done that

Kitty: Not to Santana but to people with screenshots of things Santana has said

Quinn: Omg

Madison: What?

Quinn: Yeah Santana and Brittany pretended to sext to see your reaction

Kitty: WHAT

Madison: WHAT

Quinn: Oh you sent the screenshots to Madison, Kits?

Kitty: yea

Madison: HAVE THEY JUST PRETENDED YOU MEAN THAT I HAVE BEEN LYING IN MY BED FOR SEVERAL NIGHTS LOOKING AT THEIR TEXTS AND

Madison: Oh no i HIT SENd before I finished

Quinn: I’m-

Quinn: I understand why Santana thinks you’re lesbians but me... i’m not sure

Quinn: When you see Queer Fabray, do you think lesbian?

Quinn: QUINN*******  
  


Kitty: ...wow guys we... We gotta talk don’t we


	19. Fondue for bi’s

_Brittany >> Marley_

Brittany: Lord Tubbington is setting up the camera, are you here soon?

Marley: Yep! Excited to be in the show again.

* * *

**_Fondue for two_ **

_*Music* Fondue for two! (hey!) Fondue for two! (hey!) That’s some hot dish! Fondue for two!_

_Brittany: Hi and welcome back to this dear internet talkshow of mine. Before people are asking, no, i’m not pregnant with Santana’s baby yet. We are working on it. Today we have the lovely and sweet Marley Rose with us.  
_

_Marley: Hello._

_Brittany: So... Marley, rumour has it that you recently have met a very certain someone_

_Marley: I... don’t know?_

_Brittany: Well, it’s okay to have amnesia because I have it every saturday the 22nd. I do know who you, Marley Rose, have met._

_Marley: Okay?_

_Brittany: Because of safety laws, we will not reveal the identity of who you have met, but I will give the audience a good description._

_Brittany: This person has written the most weirdest of texts until my wife decided to be a matchmaker and set her up with the lovely girl that’s currently sitting beside me_

_Marley: Wait-_

_Brittany: Rumour has it that a certain Kitty-cat has helped a bit too, but Santana has yet to decide who to set her up with_

_Marley: Are you talking about-_

_Brittany: Will this turn into a triangle drama? Will it involve Rachel and Quinn who for some reason also seem to need some lesbian guidance? Who is with who and what is what? Well, times up, so let’s see you next time on fondue for two!_


	20. Exposing Faberry

_Puck >> Quinn_

Puck: Where are you?

Quinn: Out with Rachel

Puck: Out with Rachel... you're out with her a lot, aren't you?

Quinn: We just have a lot to talk about nowadays.

Puck: What are you talking about?

Quinn: Well... lots of stuff.

Puck: I don't know, i'm getting suspicious of this.

Quinn: Why?

Puck: I'll... get back to you with an answer to that

* * *

_Puck >> Santana, Brittany_

Puck: So I need your lesbian and bisexual guidance

Santana: Let me guess

Brittany: Let me guess

Brittany: Ha jinx

Santana: Hivemind

Santana: Okay are we thinking the same thing, Britt?

Brittany: On 3

Santana: Faberry

Brittany: Faberry

Santana: YEEEEES

Puck: Uh, no one counted from 3

Santana: We did irl

Puck: You guys are together right now irl?

Santana: ...

Puck: Oh wait

Puck: Anyways

Puck: Yes. Fabray-Berry problem.

Brittany: Well both of them is as far as I know into women. I kissed every damn girl at Mckinnley and I know which girls liked it and which girls didn't.

Santana: Quinn and I had sex. She definetly liked it. 

Puck: But that was just experimenting... I mean, you two experimented with each other. A lot.

Santana: And look where it got us!

Puck: Oh gosh

Puck: Nah, Quinn is straight. It's Rachel i'm wondering about.

Santana: Well we lived together.

Santana: She once was digging through my underwear drawer to look for her "old box of candles" or some bullshit like that

Santana: When I said I wanted to be Jo in a musical of _The facts of life_ , she wanted to be Blair so we could sing a duet together.

Brittany: Rachel never reacted when we made jokes about her homoerotic tendencies and it bugs me a little

Santana: Quinn didn't either.

Puck: I should call them out

Santana: ...what?

Brittany: Puck don't.

* * *

_**New Directions** _

Puck: Quinn and Rachel, are you hooking up?

Santana: FFS Puck

Rachel: What?

Santana: Well dwarf there's a reason your name is @Gayberry for me

Rachel: Why??

Brittany: This is the first time Rachel has reacted to this, I think!

Rachel: Okay i'm not... 

Puck: You're not what?

Rachel: Why are you making up things with me and Quinn

Kurt: You know tbh we all kinda always joked about it lmao you two have just never reacted to it

Santana: And you doing things like digging through my underwear drawer and singing "I kissed a girl" with me

Rachel: So you're implying that i'm in love with you?

Santana: Ew no

Quinn: Dear god Puck why did you drag Brittana into this

Brittany: Because we know you ain't straight, Quinn

Puck: She is!

Quinn: Puck... stop

Mercedes: The hell's going on here?

Santana: I don't care about Quinn right now i'm exposing Berry >:)

Rachel: What's there to expose me about?

Santana: Puck was like "let's call them out" and now I can't stop and I ain't apologising for it

Santana: But I have made these jokes and exposes for several years now so you guys can just continue to ignore it 

Rachel: Well me and Quinn just like to hang out nowadays a lot, we have a lot to talk about

Puck: You're hooking up!

Artie: THIS IS WILD

Puck: What's wild is how obvious Faberry is with each other

Santana: PREACH

Rachel: I am not

Brittany: I am not what?

Rachel: I am not gay. 

Brittany: I am not gay either <3

Artie: I'M LAUGHING SO MUCH RIGHT NOW

Quinn: Seriously guys stop with this now

Brittany: Okay we're done for today. Goodnight folks

Santana: We will be back with the homoerotic subtext tomorrow!

* * *

Rachel: God Quinn they can never leave us alone

Rachel: Anyways. Thanks for tonight.

Quinn: Thanks yourself. You know that sooner or later we have to tell them.

Rachel: I think i'm gonna tell them i'm bisexual soon... just to take away their speculations.

Tina: Guys you know this is still the big groupchat you're in, right?

Tina: Guys?

Mike: OOOOH MYYY FUCKING GOD

Kurt: @Satan(a) WE CALLED IT


	21. I say a little secret for you

_Quinn >> Brittany _

Quinn: Hi Britt... are you up?

Brittany: Yeah

Quinn: I need to tell you something

Quinn: And you can’t tell... anyone. Not even Santana

Quinn: Not even tell it when you get taken over by your sleeping persona

Brittany: Okay

Quinn: You can’t even tell it in the secret language you made up in middle school

Brittany: Ykao

Quinn: Okay so... 

Quinn: Oh god

Quinn: You are the first one to know this.   
  


Quinn: After much thinking I have realised that

Quinn: I’m a lesbian.

Brittany: Ok cool but I know already  
  


Quinn: What?

Brittany: Yeah I have known it since that one time we kissed in freshman year

Quinn: I did it because you said you wanted to get a record of kissing everyone in school so I agreed to help you

Brittany: But then you asked me to keep it secret

Brittany: You had similar behaviour to Santana 

Quinn: I can’t talk to Santana about this. You’re easier to talk to. You play no games

Quinn: But you still have to promise not to say anything about this

Brittany: Oh sweet Quinnie, if you had any idea of how many girls I have talked to who realised they were a lesbian after I had kissed them and asked me to not say anything

Quinn: I’m-

Quinn: YOU didn’t help me realise it just so you know ;P

Brittany: Yeah Yeah I know it was Rachel 

Quinn: How-

Brittany: You know blondes have magical powers

Quinn: Som att gå ner i split eller prata svenska :D

Brittany: Exactly 

Brittany: Well Quinn, good luck on your journey on self discovery. And was I really the first person you said this to? I thought it was Rachel.

Quinn: No. No, me and Rachel have literally seen each other on cafés. Nothing more. I swear.

Brittany: Wow


	22. Marlison getting ready for a date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What should we call it? Marlison? McRose? Madley? Hmmm

_Unique >> Marley_

Unique: Girl where u at

Marley: I’m at college?

Unique: Are you sure? Because we go to the same college and I cannot see you at the snapchat map

Marley: I don’t use Snapchat 

Unique: Marley Rose where are you REALLY?

Marley: Okay

Marley: I’m going to meet someone 

Marley: And I... think?? It’s a date?? Not sure??

Unique: Omg girl you have to tell me everything who is it what’s his name

Marley: ...

Marley: It’s a secret. I’ll tell you later.

Marley: I don’t want to hide it or anything, it’s just fun to be a little secret >:D

Unique: girl you’re killing me

* * *

_Mason >> Madison_

Mason: SISRET FO IMEN, SNAREW EM HWNE I KCONK NO OYRU ODOR

Madison: What?

Mason: Have you forgotten our middle school writing language? If the word has even letters we make the letters backwards in two, and if it’s uneven letters we just have it all backwards

Madison: What??

Mason: I think you mean ”hwta??”

Madison: Ok why. Why did we come up with that

Mason: Because it’s good!

Madison: No

Mason: Seriously though, you’ve been ignoring me for a while. What’s up with you?

Madison: I’ve just been busy. I’ve gotten to know someone

Mason: WHO?!??

Mason: LET ME IN

Madison: I’M NOT LETTING YOU INTO MY ROOM

Mason: Who is it??

Madison: That’s a secret :D But we talk a lot online and we’re meeting today

Mason: You’re meeting a STRANGER?!

Madison: Not a stranger! Kitty knew the person before

Mason: And Kitty isn’t setting you up with a pedophile?

Madison: Dear god Mason I have spoken on the phone with this person before and I am very good at detecting pedos.   
  


Mason: But are you really? They are really good with acting

Madison: Santana was the one who I got contact with this person so

Mason: Oh

Mason: But can you tell me his name?

Madison: ...

Madison: m’i naibsel  
  


Mason: I thguoht uoy ewer remanaci

Mason: Wait what???

* * *

_Madison >> Marley_

Madison: On my way. My brother refused to make me go

Marley: It’s fine!

Madison: He thought I was meeting a pedophile

Marley: Lmao I don’t think a pedophile would talk about people both of us seem to know

Madison: Exactly

Madison: Oh btw did you know Santana put me in a group with Kitty and Quinn, and then left?

Marley: What?

Madison: And she named it ”lesbians who need help”

Marley: What?? xD

Madison: I mean. She may be right. Maybe I am a lesbian

Marley: Only you can know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God how many girls have met in secret? It’s a running theme lmao


	23. Lezzie with the cheerleaders

_**Lesbians who need help** _

Kitty: Can we change the name

Quinn: Why? Aren't we just that?

Kitty: Excuse me you had a different opinion about this last time

Quinn: Well I have changed my mind

Kitty: So you're coming out to us now?

Quinn: I guess

Quinn: I mean it makes sense for me to be a lesbian??

Madison: Did Santana help you realise it?

Quinn: I mean we did have sex and she always made jokes about me 

Quinn: But no it was Rachel

Kitty: Called it

Kitty: I'm happy we are the first ones to know :)

Quinn: Oh no I told Britt before

Quinn: Though she seemed to already know

Quinn: Me and Brittany kissed in freshman year and Brittany could feel inside that I wasn't straight.

Kitty: ...why did you kiss?

Quinn: Brittany wanted to kiss everyone at school so I helped her.

Kitty: She never kissed me?

Quinn: Did you... want her... to kiss you?

Kitty: No but

Kitty: GOD you kissed Brittany and slept with Santana and go on these café dates with Rachel and you didn't realise until NOW-

Quinn: Yeah

Quinn: Even if Brittany was the first to know, I actually lied a bit to her. I told her me and Rachel only went to cafés and talked. That wasn't entirely true.

Kitty: Ooh?

Quinn: But me and her wanted to keep things secret. People are often very nosy when it comes to us, so we are sneaky.

Quinn: Especially after I have sent wrong texts to people that was intended for Rachel, and Rachel accidentally outed herself

Madison: Wait WHAt

Quinn: Ok backstory: Rachel told me she was bisexual once, but she was very insecure about it, and I was the first one she told. I still haven't told her i'm gay, even though at this point she most likely knows, since... well. I still want to tell her.

Kitty: Things are getting juicy in Quinn's life.

Kitty: How about you, madlady? 

Madison: Well Santana's convinced i'm a lesbian and she may not be wrong

Madison: I remember in middle school thinking a girl was hot, but I decided it was something I would deal with another day, and then I have never really thought about it again until now

Kitty: I-

Kitty: You procrastinated your own sexuality

Madison: Heh that's how Marley reacted too

Kitty: Wait, you know Marley?? Marley Rose???

Madison: Yeah! She has such a nice voice

Kitty: HOW do you know her?

Madison: Oh, Santana gave me her user name!

Quinn: Feeling jealous, Kitty?

Kitty: What no?

Quinn: I'm interested why you are here. Got any secret woman-woman meetings?

Kitty: No?

Madison: No procrastinated sexualitites?

Kitty: Nope

Kitty: I honestly think Santana added me here to get y'all to just admit to yourself 

Quinn: Ok sweetie if that's what you think

Madison: :)

Kitty: Now if you excuse me imma go yell at Marley for not telling me she's hooking up with Madison

Madison: WE'RE NOT hooKING Up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kitty: Ok honey


	24. P&F vs Lazytown

**_New Directions_ **

Quinn: CAN WE PLEASE BRING BACK THE ” **THE** ” IN NEW DIRECTIONS I HATE HOW IT JUST DISAPPEARED FROM THE FIRST CHAPTER

Artie: Now now we must have some running gags don’t we

Artie: That’s more fun than going back and just editing previous chapters isn’t it

Quinn: Growl

Tina: Did you hear? Emma went into labor yesterday

Puck: I seriously forgot she was pregnant again

Tina: Well you haven’t heard it all!

Tina: It’s twins!  
  


Brittany: I have twins too!

Santana: Britt no remember that was a dream we shared of both getting pregnant and then giving birth on the same day so it was like we had twins

Brittany: I don’t think you and I live in the same universe

Mercedes: Anyways, what are the twins genders?

Tina: Twin boys!

Tina: I don’t know the names but I think one boy is named Phineas

Mike: If he has named them Phineas and Ferb i’m gonna-

Tina: Nah I don’t think he even knows that show exists, he is pretty old-school when it comes to shows, movies and music

Puck: Explains why we never did the classic songs from that show like ”My sweet ride” and ”Disco Miniature golfing Queen” and ”Rubber Bands Rubber balls”

Kurt: I do agree the first two are bops, but ”Rubber Bands Rubber Balls”?? Seriously?

Brittany: I think we should talk about the kids show that made so many bops that it should be illegal

Brittany: **Lazytown**

Quinn: Oh I loved that show!

Puck: What the heck is Lazytown

Brittany: _What did you say_

Artie: Oh look Brittany learned to write in italics!

Puck: I haven’t seen that show?

Brittany: **I’ll tell you all about Lazytown.**

Santana: Puck you’re screwed

Quinn: So screwed

Kurt: Yeah Puck like I didn’t think Lazytown was the best show but I still know about it and can agree the songs were bops 

Kurt: And Brittany, well. She’s our own little Stephanie. 

Santana: She’s the Stephanie to my Trixie <3

Mike: Uh Trixie and Stephanie weren’t a couple

Santana: Watch the original icelandic plays and you’re gonna change your mind.

Santana: Actually, just watch this clip from the second play and see the gayness: <https://youtu.be/csTWwGBAsE4>

Mike: Ok

Mike: Yeah you’re right that is very gay

* * *

_Blaine >> Kurt_

Blaine: What’s going on in the original ND group chat?

Blaine: I wish I was there

Kurt: Well Emma and Will just had twin boys and one of them was named Phineas, so we got to think of Phineas and Ferb

Kurt: Puck said Phineas and Ferb had the best songs but Brittany said it was Lazytown and now we got to know Puck doesn’t know what Lazytown is and so Brittany is attacking him

Blaine: Oh my god Lazytown

Blaine: Lowkey think I had a crush on Sportacus for a while

Kurt: Well that explains your muscular body right now <3

Blaine: Heh maybe.   
  


Blaine: To be honest both of us dress more like Stingy 

Kurt: Oh my gosh! Yeah! We do!

Blaine: Oh now I wanna song Lazytown songs 

Blaine: And Phineas and Ferb songs

Kurt: Well nothing’s stopping us.

* * *

_**New Directions** _

Puck: Guys help Brittany has spammed me so many messages

Brittany: Lord Tubbington is helping

Quinn: Puck are you really scared of Brittany?

Puck: Quinn you’ve become incredibly mean since you started to hang out with Rachel more 

Kurt: Guys me and Blaine are doing a singing livestream! We’re gonna song songs from both Phineas and Ferb and Lazytown, and you’re all gonna get the link in a while!

Mercedes: Yay! Looking forward to it

Rachel: Excuse me guys but Mr. Schue just messaged me and said the twins names are Phineas and Philip

Rachel: Guys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will and Emma had twin boys, right? I remember seeing them running around in the 2020 scenes and it was said on the wiki  
> This fic once again takes place in a timeless void between 2015 and 2020 so yeah they are born here now  
> Also - y’all want any of the characters singing? Of course we can’t hear them sing but like. I’ll write it like they are singing out loud.


	25. The outcasts club

_Sugar has invited Matt, Rory and Joe to the chat._

_Sugar named the chat ” **The outcasts** ”_

Sugar: Welcome everyone. We are the outcasts of Glee club. No one knows whether we are in the club or out 

Matt: Wait, who are all of you?

Sugar: I’m Sugar Motta! 

Joe: I feel like i’m only in the club when they need 12 members, otherwise no one really cares about me

Rory: I don’t really feel like an outcast? I was just an exchange student

Matt: Well i’m Matt and I transfered schools 2010 so I have no idea how any of the Mckinley people are doing

Matt: Me and Mike talked a bit but not much

Sugar: Cool! I don’t care! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are y’all still excited for Marley/Madison and Faberry? Because i’m trying to plan some things more for them. In the meantime I wanted to focus a bit on the smaller characters :D


	26. Dates to remember

_Unique >> Marley_

Unique: You still haven’t told me about your date

Unique: I need to know everything

Marley: Ok, where should I start?

Unique: Like... what’s his name?

Marley: Oh um

Unique: His names ”Oh um”???

Marley: No no I just

Marley: Okay you wanna know the name 

Unique: YEAH I DO THAT’S WHY I’M ASKIN

Marley: Madison.

Unique: Aww but it’s okay to have a girls name when you’re a boy... is he ashamed of the name?

Marley: ...well

Unique: Well?

Marley: Madison’s not... a boy with a girls name

Marley: He is. A girl. 

Unique: What-

Unique: GIRL YOU NEED TO ANSWER QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW

* * *

_Puck >> Rachel_

Puck: Don’t take my woman

Rachel: Puck you’re sleeping with a bunch of girls even if Quinn’s your ”girlfriend”.   
  


Rachel: Besides, i’m not taking her. I may have outed myself in the groupchat as bi but me and Quinn...

Rachel: I don’t think you got anything to worry about

* * *

_Puck >> Artie_

Puck: Artie, I need to borrow your tiny cameras and/or eavesdropping headphones

Artie: Do I want to know?

Puck: I don’t know, do you?

Artie: ...can I come with?

* * *

_Rachel >> Quinn_

Rachel: So Puck just asked me to stay away from you

Quinn: Oh gosh

Quinn: I swear he’s gonna like, set up secret cameras or something for us

Rachel: We really don’t do anything special? What’s there to worry about

Quinn: Well... some things were special. Remember that thing that happened when we were in the movie theatre?

Rachel: Oh... yeah

Quinn: The screen was so dark so you could get away with almost anything if you just were... quiet

Rachel: wIiSjwjiz

Quinn: Rachel?

Rachel: Yes?

Quinn: You’ve never keyboard smashed before.   
  


Rachel: Oh but I have... but it was a long time ago

Rachel: Last time was when Finn and I were texting and he said something that really made me feel... you know.   
  


Quinn: I wonder what Finn would think of you and me and our little thing we’re doing right know

Rachel: Yeah. I have no idea, hehe.

_Finn joined the chat._

Finn: Hi! Finn’s spirit here. I think your relationship right now is awesome and while I might have been a bit clueless before, I really see what’s going on now, probably more than you do. Don’t deny feelings, girls. See ya!

_Finn has left the chat._

  
Rachel: ...what just happened?

  
Quinn: I think Finn gave us approval??

Quinn: Hey Rachel there’s something I haven’t told you

Quinn: I think you already had an idea, since... you know. 

Rachel: What?

Quinn: Can we meet up in private? Like, meet up somewhere where no one hears us?

Rachel: What about my car? I can pick you up. No one’s gonna listen to us talking in a car.

Quinn: True...


	27. Marley confrontation bc I forgot until now

_Kitty >> Marley_

Kitty: Hello dearest friend of mine

Marley: Hi

Kitty: I just wanted to ask you if you know my friend Madison

Marley: McCarthy? Yeah

Kitty: How do you know each other?

Marley: Oh. Through Santana. 

Kitty: Interesting

Kitty: Also why does it feel like your message and my message suddenly got a bigger space

Marley: I don’t know. That happens sometimes.

Kitty: So have you met Madison irl?

Marley: Yeah! We’ve met.

Kitty: What did you do when you met?

Marley: We talked.

Kitty: Talked about what?

Marley: About life, how we know the same people, you know

Marley: We talked about you! Since both of us knew you

Kitty: What did you say about me?

Marley: Oh just that you seemed tough on the outside but you’re nice when you get to know you

Kitty: Aww thanks

Marley: You’re welcome. 

Kitty: Yeah I was just asking because Madison mentioned you

Marley: Oh?

Kitty: She said you were really pretty

Marley: Aww

Kitty: And that you’re excellent in bed

Marley: Wait, what?

Marley: We haven’t hooked up, Kitty. We have met once.   
  


Kitty: Ok so Madison wasn’t lying

Marley: What?

Kitty: She said you two weren’t hooking up and I didn’t believe her

Kitty: Unless you’re lying too

Marley: No i’m not lying

Kitty: You know i’m wondering if there’s something going on between you two 

Marley: Good luck wondering about that.   
  


Marley: So I gotta go now. Talk later.

Kitty: Sure


	28. Post-date chat

_Marley >> Madison_

Marley: So hey I told my mom about our date. She thinks you seem like a really friendly girl.

Madison: Wow, thanks! I don’t hear that a lot

Madison: I haven’t told my parents, but that’s because they don’t really talk to us that much.   
  


Marley: That sucks

Madison: I did tell my brother tho

Madison: Or I mean. Kinda. I told him I was a lesbian in our old middle school secret twin language that I sorta can’t speak fluently anymore 

Marley: Ok

Madison: Also Kitty knows and she won’t shut up about it

Marley: Omg! She spams me too!

Madison: Fun fact she doesn’t think she’s a lesbian 

Madison: Both me and Quinn Fabray in the chat Santana put us in has since realised it and accepted it, but not Kitty. She is 100% sure she’s just there to help us or smth

Marley: Oh Kitty

Marley: Anyways... you ever want to go out again?

Madison: I would like that!   
  


Marley: But not at that restaurant again. Those hamburgers gave me bad belly aches.

Madison: Oh yeah same. But it was fun when that dude fell and spilled the food on the angry family who thought they were better than everyone

Marley: Yeah I laughed so much

Marley: But next time... let’s say something fun like a carnival

Madison: Oh heck yes!


	29. Beautiful dreamers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why i'm still writing this, but you all seem to like it so much.

_**New Directions** _

Puck: I can't sleep

Artie: Thank you, Puck. You woke me up.

Tina: Me too

Rachel: Guys, why don't you mute your phone when you sleep? <3

Artie: Why are you awake, Rachel?

Rachel: I'm an actress. I don't sleep.

Puck: I had a dream that I was playing guitar on a mountain, but then the guitar fell down and there was a bunch of chicks down there and they were all for me.

Mercedes: Ew. 

Mercedes: Before Puck woke me up, I had a dream about not eating tater tots. Not a good dream. 

Artie: I dreamed that I could fly!

Tina: I dreamed that me and Artie ate chocolate cakes at a beach. It was weird. But fun.

Rachel: I rarely have time to dream anymore, but last time I did I was gonna play Audrey 2 in little shop of horrors, but I didn't know any lines! Luckily I woke up before I hit the stage.

Kurt: Can we all for a second imagine Rachel in a plant suit?

Santana: How sexy

Brittany: Fun fact when we woke up because of Puck, I was lying on top of Santana.

Santana: Britt do you think we shared a dream again?

Brittany: Did you also have the bodyless legs on the field?

Santana: YES.

Artie: The heck?

Brittany: Bye guys!

Puck: Where are you going?

Quinn: Guess twice what she's doing, Puck.

Quinn: I dreamed something... but I don't remember.

Mike: I don't remember either, but it was something with dance.

Kurt: I dreamed that I met my mom. We went ice skating <3

Mike: Aw, that's a sweet dream, Kurt!

Puck: Sorry for waking y'all. To make up for it I can make sure you dream about me when you go back to sleep.

Quinn: No thanks.

* * *

**_New Directions 2.0_ **

Artie: Good morning people! I had trouble sleeping last night, because Puck woke us all up.

Blaine: Yeah Kurt told me. You talked about what you dreamed.

Blaine: I dreamed that I was dove. It was... pleasing.

Kitty: Ew?

Kitty: I don't dream, I live.

Unique: Ok girl. I dreamed that I was performing some song I have never heard before in my life and now I want to look it up to see if it's real or if I made it up.

Marley: I dreamed that I was babysitting a dog and then the dog turned into a pig.

Marley: My dreams are weird.

Jake: I dreamed that I fell while doing ballet, so that was fun.

Ryder: Cool! I dreamed that I jumped around with a chair.

Jake: So like you do in real life, then?

Unique: Yeah Ryder you do jump around on a lot of chairs.

* * *

**_New Directions 3.0_ **

Madison: OUR NEIGHBOURS were drILLING THE WALL AND THEIR DRILLing ruined my dreaM

Madison: And I had the PERFECT DReam OK

Madison: IT WAS FLOWERS. DANCE. SONG. SKIRTS LIFTING. LAUGHTER. THEN THE DRILLING

Mason: I was dreaming of building a house so the drilling fitted perfectly in my dream :)

Jane: Cool I dreamt that the whole school was walking to my house for some reason

Roderick: I forgot to take my headphones off so I was singing in my dream and I probably sang in real life too.

Spencer: My dreams are pretty mediocre tbh. I don't remember much. There was something with situps

Alistair: Oh cool I dreamt of situps too! But also running. Fast. I think something was chasing me

Spencer: Maybe it was me, wanting to feel your hair :D

Kitty: Wow you are. Not adorable in the slightest. Stop it. Get some help.

* * *

_Rachel >> Quinn_

Rachel: Could you sleep again after Puck woke you up?

Quinn: Yeah... and you know what? I'm glad he woke me up with that stupid text

Quinn: Because I had an awesome dream.

Rachel: Tell me

Quinn: I dreamed that you and I...

Quinn: ...were out for a walk in the snow...

Quinn: ...then we looked at each other...

Quinn: ...and kissed.

Quinn: Also Kurt ran past and gave us a thumbs up lol

Quinn: Rachel?

Quinn: Rachel...?

Quinn: Why did you go offline?


	30. aerkdlsjedioibkr (I am very tired so this is the title you're welcome)

**_Lesbians who need help_ **

Kitty: How's the lesbian disasters today?

Madison: I'm not a disaster today!

Quinn: I'm a disaster.

Kitty: Spill your embarrasing disaster for us woman.

Quinn: So I had a dream about Rachel where we kissed

Quinn: So I told her about it

Quinn: And now she won't reply to my messages.

Madison: Yikes.

Madison: How about you, Kitty? Are you a disaster lesbian today?

Kitty: No, and again, i'm not a lesbian. I told you Santana put me here just to help you guys.

_Santana has joined the chat._

Santana: Uh, no, Kitty. I added you here because you are a lesbian and everything about you screames lesbian. Have fun.

_Santana has left the chat._

Kitty: How-

Madison: Okay, I guess you are a disaster lesbian today!


	31. Puck’s a cop now for some reason?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realised I hadn’t continued the thing with Puck, Artie and the cameras. That’s what happens when you write all the chapters sleep deprived and don’t think much about what you’re writing down :D

_Puck >> Quinn_

Puck: Hey can you explain this?

Puck: Faberryaudio22.mpg

Quinn: What the fuck? Where did you get this?

Puck: I have my ways

Quinn: You forced Artie to get you eavesdropping equipment didn’t you.

Puck: What?

Quinn: Why did you spy on me and Rachel?   
  


Puck: I know there’s something going on between you two!

Quinn: So you’re eavesdropping without consent?

Puck: Am I wrong? Does two friends say ”Your hair is very beautiful today” or ”I love how your hands move when you get excited”?

Puck: I bet you two make out all the time  
  


Quinn: Puck, no

Puck: So what?

Quinn: You want the truth?

Puck: Yes please.

Quinn: Rachel and I haven’t even kissed but I am definetly in love with her

Puck: Oh.

Quinn: And i’m a lesbian.

Puck: Since when?

Quinn: Since always, Puck. Seriously, if you think back. There was very clear signs.

Puck: Was there????

Quinn: Yeah

Puck: Oh what the hell

Quinn: How did you already not know this?? I told Rachel in the car.

Puck: Well it wasn’t on the tape...

Puck: Then again, Artie put it together.   
  


Quinn: Artie knows not to out people so he probably edited it out

Puck: Well I thought there was some weird cut in the middle

Quinn: ffs

* * *

_Rachel >> Quinn_

Rachel: Hey

Rachel: I heard about Puck. Artie told me.

Rachel: You okay?

Quinn: Yeah. But how are you? You haven’t spoken to me in a while

Rachel: I’m fine... i’ve been thinking

Rachel: ...of us.

Quinn: I’ve been thinking a lot about us too

Rachel: I thought about your dream and you know what?   
  


Rachel: I want that dream to become reality

Rachel: Except for the Kurt part of course, I want us to be alone

Quinn: Wow this is... forward

Rachel: Yeah! Come on over.

Rachel: Sweetie :) 


	32. Lyrics challenge on the chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't decide for one song so there's a bunch

_**New Directions** _

Puck: Guys what's a "groupchat lyrics challenge"? I just got videos recommended

Rachel: Oh it's when you write the lyrics to a song and other people in the chat continue it. If someone fails to write the lyrics or interupt it, you have to start over

Puck: Cool, I wanna try it

Kurt: Okay, but what song?

Brittany: M Y C U P

Artie: Yeah!

Mercedes: Or how about...

Mercedes: It's a hard knock life for us!

Santana: It's a hard knock life for us!

Mercedes: Instead of treated

Tina: We get tricked!

Artie: Instead of kisses

Mike: We get kicked!

Mercedes: It's a hard knock life!

Puck: What's happening?

Quinn: Aw Puck you ruined the lyrics!

Brittany: Santa Claus we never see

Santana: Darling we're not writing lyrics anymore

Brittany: But I can relate to that line so I needed to write it

Brittany: Santa sounds like a male Santana and maybe that's why christmas is my favorite holiday

Santana: Britt-Britt <3333

Santana: Santa is a better nickname than "Satan-a" that Madison Mccarthy gave me.

Rachel: Ok let's try another song guys!

Rachel: Hello

Quinn: It's me

Kurt: IS IT ME YOU'RE LOOKING FOR

Tina: Goodbye

Brittany: I just came to say hello!

Mercedes: Yeah Rachel that wasn't a good idea

Puck: I know a song that everyone knows.

Puck: THERE'S 104 DAYS OF SUMMER VACATION BEFORE SCHOOLS COMES ALONG JUST TO END IT

Artie: SO THE ANNUAL PROBLEM FOR OUR GENERATION IS FINDING A GOOD WAY TO SPEND IT

Mike: LIKE MAYBE

Santana: LIKE MAYBE

Santana: Oh fuck 

Mike: It's okay

Puck: Should we try it again

Rachel: Please no I don't really like that song

Artie: CREEPER

Kurt: Artie no

Tina: AW MAN

Tina: KURT YOU RUINED IT

Kurt: I'm on board with groupchat lyrics challenges but not that one

Artie: Aw but it's a classic

Brittany: BING BANG DIGGYDIGGYDONG FUNNY WORDS I'M SINGING WHEN I'M DANCING

Brittany: BING BANG DIGGYDIGGYDONG SILLY WORDS THAT CAN MEAN ANYTHING

Brittany: GET ON UP IT'S TIME TO DANCE YEAH

Brittany: IT'S SO MUCH FUN BEING UP ON OUR FEET

Brittany: SO WE GO UP UP DO THE JUMP MOVE AROUND AND CLAP YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

Brittany: DOWN DOWN TURN AROUND HAVING FUN IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT

Brittany: ONE TWO ME AND YOU MOVE AROUND AND CLAP YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

Brittany: THREE FOUR ON THE FLOOR HAVING FUN IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT

Puck: Is no one gonna... stop her?

Santana: No. No one can interrupt the godess when she writes the lyrics

Puck: Also I feel like the song kind of went... adult? There at the end

Santana: Ok idiot let me tell you something

Santana: 1. It was written by icelanders for a kids show

Santana: 2. It is sung by a literal child

Quinn: Seriously Puck you ruined the song a bit

Brittany: Thank you Puck for ruining Lazytown again i'm gonna come and get you.

Santana: Oh heck she's not joking-

Santana: Guys Brittany just ran outside 

Santana: She's coming for you Puck. Run.


	33. Don’t you remember your birth??

_**New Directions** _

Artie: Hey Puck how did it go with Brittany? She was coming for you right

Puck: She ran all the way to my house, slowly rang my doorbell, and when I opened she took out her pointing finger and slowly placed it on my forehead. Then she hissed at me and walked home

Puck: I don’t even understand what I did but this reminds me of my first memory ever: When I was two and a cat climbed onto my face

Brittany: Your first memory was when you were two?

Puck: Yeah I know it’s pretty early

Quinn: More like pretty late 

Quinn: My first memory was when I was one. I remember standing up in my crib and my mom coming in and picking me up. Don’t remember more than that, but it was comforting.

Rachel: Aww Quinn! That’s so wholesome. My first memory is similar but I was one and a half and won my second dance competition ever

Santana: How children that young are allowed to compete is a little sad to be honest.   
  


Brittany: My first memory is kicking my mom because whatever she had eaten did not fit well with me

Artie: wait Brittany you had a memory from the womb?

Brittany: Yes? Doesn’t everyone?

Artie: ...are you sure this wasn’t just a dream you had

Brittany: Very sure. I also remember my way out of there. It was so cramped in there that I had to get out somehow

Kurt: Ok Britt you don’t have to tell us your whole birth <3

Brittany: Oh I don’t remember my birth no one remembers that 

Artie: But- I-

Santana: Fun fact Brittany and I got to know that our mothers met once when both of them were pregnant with us, so we might have met while in the womb  
  


Brittany: I sadly don’t remember that Santana, but I do know that the first time I met you I could feel like we had met before somewhere special. Like in a previous life or something 

Santana: We probably met in a Previous life. Maybe we got married in our previous life

Brittany: In every lifetime we will find each other and that’s also why I love you until infinity

Puck: What’s going on?

Kurt: Just your avarage sapphic love.


	34. Some switched roles, hm?

**_New Directions 3.0_ **

Jane: We just came up with the best choreography ever guys

Alistair: Spencer almost twisted his ankle but it was worth it

Spencer: Shut it <3

Jane: choreography.mpg

Madison: Oh how cool you can use that for sectionals

Mason: Hey Madison?

Madison: What?

Mason: We need to talk

Madison: You couldn’t talk to me privately?

Mason: No, because you won’t even answer my telepathical twin calls.

Kitty: Ooh wow some drama’s happening

Mason: Kitty you’re coming too

Mason: I have locked myself inside the bathroom so no one can get me 

Kitty: What??

* * *

_Mason invited Kitty and Madison to the chat._

Mason: Okay ladies. Here is the deal. You can not get out of this chat, as you only can leave with my permission, which I will deny. You also can not mute the chat.

Kitty: Oh wow what a technical genius

Kitty: So, why are we here? Are you gonna exposé our secrets or something??

Mason: Okay... i’m just gonna say it

Mason: I know you two are dating.

Madison: Wait... WHAT

Kitty: mASON WHAT DO YOU mean

Mason: Oh look Kit you write like Madison

Mason: Another clear sign that you two are dating

Madison: MASON WTF

Kitty: DON’t call me kiT

Madison: How are you even-

Mason: Simple

Mason: I had the vibe already when we started the cheerios. Kitty was always on us and I was quiet but you Madison was always speaking back 

Mason: Then I saw how well you performed together in Glee club 

Kitty: What is even happening

Mason: And lately Madison has been very distant and we were writing in our old twin writing language and I was so caught up in it that I didn’t realise what she actually said

Madison: Mason don’t you fucking out me

Kitty: Mads we are in the lesbian group together that Santana forced us in I know already??

Mason: EVEN MORE PROOF OF MY THEORY THAT THE TWO OF YOU WERE DATING

Mason: It’s so obvious!

Madison: Mason. I want you to listen to me carefully.

Madison: Me and Kitty do NOT date.

Kitty: ^

Mason: Are you sure?

Kitty: YeAH

Kitty: Also I am NOT A LESBIan

Madison: honey Santana literally put you there for a reason

Mason: AND YOU HAVE PEt NAMES

KITTY: WE DO NOT FUCKING DATE MASON

Madison: OMG you have to teach me how to make your name in caps

Mason: Then who are you dating, Maddie? I know you’re dating someone. Everything about you sparks ”i’m in a relationship”

Madison: Ok yeah i’m dating someone but it aint Kitty

Madison: Kitty’s not my type

Kitty: Hey!

Madison: I am dating someone named XXXXXX XXXX

Mason: Hey you can’t censor the name!

Madison: Sure I can!

Mason: No, literally. I made it so you can’t censor anything. You’re hacking!

Madison: Perhaps.

_Madison has left the chat._

Kitty: oh It’s Marley Rose, she went to Mckinley before.   
  


Kitty: Also don’t tell anyone but I kind of had a crush on Marley

Mason: So you’re bisexual/pansexual since you admitted crushing on a girl but you’re not a lesbian

Kitty: Oh no i’m fully lesbian

Kitty: Wait

Kitty: How do you delete messages-

Kitty: UNREAD UNPOST

Mason: This is spicy tea.


	35. Baby fever in the chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lea just got her baby and i'm having baby fever

_Blaine >> Kurt_

Blaine: Hey Kurt random question

Blaine: If you ever wanted a child with me... who would you consider a surrogate?

Kurt: Oh hmm good question

Kurt: Maybe Rachel. Quinn I think would be a choice too...

Kurt: Maybe Santana, to be honest.

Blaine: Didn't Quinn say she would donate the egg if we had a surrogate?

Kurt: Imagine Quinn donating an egg and then Rachel carries the child!!

Blaine: Brilliant! I love that.

Kurt: You know, I do want to have a child with you. One day :)

Blaine: :)

* * *

_**New Directions** _

Rachel: KURT 

Mike: @KH94 KURT WHERE U AT

Kurt: I'm here! What's going on?

Rachel: I found a picture of you from sophomore year <3

Kurt: Oh no Rachel

Rachel: babykurt.jpg

Kurt: God I look dead inside

Brittany: Wait, Kurt was a baby as a sophomore?? I didn't find him to do any babylike behaviours.

Mike: No, we just call him a baby because he was so small compared to now

Brittany: Ah okay. I just think that's offensive to babies.

Brittany: If I were a baby I would be offended and if I had a baby I would tell that baby to be offended.

Santana: Britt you want a baby? With that sentence you just said I imagined you as a mother.

Brittany: Yeah. I have a whole list of baby names

Santana: What?? Me too!!

Tina: I've said it before, but you guys are perfect together

Kurt: Don't tell anyone this but I kind of want to name my child Dalton? Even if it's a girl. It's cheesy as hell but also unique and cool and reminds me of Blaine

Mercedes: That is the most klaine thing I have heard in my entire life.

Santana: Ok y'all want to know my baby names list

Kurt: Please do share

Santana: Girl names: Stephanie, Heather, Danielle, Trixie

Santana: Boy names: Carl, Simon, Percy

Brittany: My girl names are: Britney, Naya, Stephanie, Trixie, Isadora

Brittany: And my boy names: Bruce, Michael, Ryan

Santana: Britt-Britt, it seems like we do agree a bit on the girl names.

Brittany: Indeed!

Rachel: Aww.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Two of those names Santana and Brittany brought up will be the names of their babies in my Brittana fic (Double the Pierce-Lopez offsprings).


	36. EVERYTHING CAPS

**_New Directions_ **

Kurt: HI IS THERE A GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM FOR YOU TOO

Tina: WHAT GLITCH

Kurt: THE CAPS GLITCH EVERYTHING I WRITE IS IN CAPS EVEN IF I ORIGINALLY DON'T

Rachel: IT'S NOT GLITCHING FOR ME

Rachel: OH WAIT

Artie: THE SYSTEM IS HAVING AN UPDATE AND SO IT'S GLITCHING

Santana: I LIKE THIS GLITCH

Santana: I CAN SPEAK LIKE A PROTESTER

SANTANA: I AM THE GREATEST

Mercedes: HOW THE HECK CAN YOUR NAME BE IN CAPS

SANTANA: IT'S A RUNNING GAG THAT CHARACTERS JUST SOMETIMES HAVE THEIR NAMES IN CAPS

Brittany: ALSO I LENDED SANTANA SOME OF MY POWERS SO SHE CAN DO THAT

Puck: OK WAIT I'M GONNA TRY SOMETHING

Puck: I WISH I WAS A LESBIAN

Quinn: WAIT WHAT

Puck: I WAS JUST GONNA CHECK IF IT WAS CAPS LOCK

Quinn: BUT WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF WISH IS THAT

Puck: MORE GIRLS FOR ME

Quinn: WHAT THE HECK


	37. Sorta

_Puck >> Quinn_

Puck: So I got home and I can't help but notice you've packed your stuff in boxes

Quinn: Yeah

Puck: Are you moving?

Quinn: I mean yeah

Quinn: Sorta

Puck: Why?

Quinn: Noah have you forgotten everything that happened 

Puck: You and Rachel are a couple now I guess

Quinn: I mean sorta yeah we are

Puck: And you are a lesbian

Puck: And I spied on you by forcing Artie to borrow his eavesdropping equipment

Quinn: Sorta

Puck: So you gonna move in with Rachel or something

Quinn: Sorta

Puck: Can you develop that answer?

Quinn: I'm gonna move in with Rachel because we are having romantic relations the end

Puck: Cool.


	38. Uncomfortableness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta sleep but I also have to complete a 3 hour thing on Hogwarts Mystery before the time runs out ugh
> 
> This chapter is confusing but also that’s how real group chats are so it’s chaos

_**New Directions 2.0** _

Ryder: So my chair broke in half

Jake: Ryder how did that happen

Ryder: I don’t know it just happened?

Kitty: Jesus fucking christ

Brittany: I once had sex on a chair. It was uncomfortable, I stopped after 5 minutes.

Unique: Oookaaay anyways

Artie: No Britt tell me more

Unique: No what no let’s just leave it there and move on

Artie: Britt, who... was it with?

Brittany: With the chair? Oh, it was with myself.   
  


Unique: gAAh did NOT need to know that THANKS ARTIE >:(

Artie: Why was it uncomfortable? How did you sit?

Kitty: ARTIE PLEASE STOP

Brittany: Art-Art, even I, the most open minded person on the planet, do think it’s wise to discuss anymore. I was like 14 and bored so I tried things out. Didn’t work. I moved on.

Unique: Just like everyone

Artie: But... how?? The psysics I cannot...???

Kitty: 1, She’s a cheerleader so she’s obviously not so stiff

Kitty: 2, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED FUCKING A CHAIR.

Sam: I go into my phone and I see THIS? :D

Blaine: Why the smiley. Why the smiley.

_Kitty has become admin._

Artie: How did you do that?

Kitty: I’m blonde.

_Kitty has kicked Artie off the chat!_

Tina: Now that was uneccessary

Brittany: I’m gonna go dance on the roof. Bye:

Blaine: Ok bye Britt <3

Unique: Does she actually dance on the roof or does she just say that?

Sam: Brittany rarely lies.

* * *

_Santana >> Brittany_

Santana: Honey I love you but PLEASE get down from the roof. Our neighbours think the ”moaning ghosts” are in their attic

Brittany: Well I guess we’ll have to give them a scare

Santana: Yeah of course ;)

Santana: BUT NO DANCING ON THE ROOF

Brittany: But I want to

Santana: We can scare them in other ways

Santana: Come down

Santana: I don’t want you to get hurt

Brittany: Fine...


	39. Throwbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I think about the fact that I only started this fic because I wanted Brittany to speak swedish

**_New Directions_ **

Artie: Hi guys! Do you want to feel nostalgia?

Quinn: Always. How so?

Artie: I found an old website that you might recogonize.

Artie: Anyone remember ChatChat?

Kurt: OMG 

Kurt: I WAS THERE ALL THE TIME BACK IN 2009ISH

Artie: Well I have found... our old groupchat there

Mercedes: WHAT

Artie: It's pure gold

Artie: I'll give you guys a link. It's awesome.

Artie: We can't write anything, but we can read plenty of it.

* * *

> **ChatChat Archivefile220110**

ARTieman: Are we having glee club today?

Beyoncesbiggestbitch: Yeah

Rachel<3: Kurt... can you change your username?

Beyoncesbiggestbitch: Why?

LocaLopez: No keep it I love it

Rachel<3: No change it

Hudson5: Rachel I don't wanna argue with you but you shouldn't decide if Kurt is gonna change his username or not

Rachel<3: Finn why aren't you on my side? >:( >:( >:( >:(

Beyoncesbiggestbitch: Thanks Finn but I think i'm gonna change it.

RachelisaPainintheBehind: Is that better, Rachel?

Rachel<3: KURT!

BrittanySPierce: How do you change names?

ARTieman: Press the wheel button on your profile

Catnipsause: Oh is it working?

Scissorqueen: I'm trying different names here

Susanpiercewaitthatisnotmyname: Can you see my name changing

FabRayofsunshine: Yes we can see very nice Britt

LAKHFWAOGOPH: Good

sorrymycatwalkedonmykeyboard: Sorry my cat walked on my keyboard

LocaLopez: Ok Britt you don't have to change names all the time

Santanayouwannacomeoverlaterohwaitthisisnotprivatechat: Ok

Matt: Hey guys! I'm gonna be late! Tell Mr. Schue for me, k?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ChatChat is not a real name, I just made something up


	40. I have no darn clue what the hell's going on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 40 chapters???????????? HOW DID I DO THAT?

**_New Directions 3.0_ **

Madison: Meow

Mason: Meow

Madison: Meooooow

Roderick: What's... going on?

Madison: MEOWWW

Mason: Mew meow

Roderick: Kitty can you get in here

Kitty: I was summoned?

Madison: MEE-OW

Mason: MROOW OW-RROW

Kitty: Ok I see

Kitty: The twins have slipped out of their mind control

Alistair: ??

Mason: meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeow

Kitty: **_~~Hey McCarthys!~~_**

Madison: Rrow?

Kitty: ~~_**Stop with whatever the fuck you are doing on the public groupchat and continue in the privacy of your own texts**_~~

Kitty: ~~_**Also Madison don't screw up on your date tonight**_~~

* * *

_Madison >> Marley_

Madison: Kitty told me to not screw up on my date tonight

Marley: She knows we're on a date?

Madison: I guess??? I never told her

Madison: But then again, she IS blonde and therefor should have magical powers

Marley: Yeah makes sense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 40 chapters and I can really see the running gags in this fic this far:
> 
> \- Characters accidentally outing themselves  
> \- The amount of time people send messages to wrong people  
> \- Blondiner är magiska och kan därför prata svenska :)  
> \- Kitty, Madison and Quinn being lesbian disasters  
> \- Brittana going off to have implied sex all the time  
> \- Quinn getting bugged over the "THE" in "The New Directions" disappearing  
> \- Rachel and Quinn having secret meetings and Puck always gets as suspicious every time  
> \- And god there's a lot more isn't it
> 
> I have done a lot.


	41. Ouch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a headache and instead of resting I decided to write this

_**New Directions** _

Brittany: Who took my chocolate bar?

Artie: Not me.

Brittany: Ok.

* * *

_**New Directions 2.0** _

Brittany: Who took my chocolate bar?

Artie: Not me, again.

Sam: Is it... white chocolate? ;)

Blaine: Sam no

* * *

_**New Directions 3.0** _

Brittany: Who took my chocolate bar?

Kitty: Wtf Brittany how did you get here it’s the 3.0 chat you’re not a part of it

Brittany: Oh right.

* * *

_Brittany >> Santana_

Brittany: Who took my chocolate bar?

Santana: I don’t know babe, but I will help you find out who did it

Santana: It was probably Puck. Go run after him.

* * *

_Puck >> Santana_

Puck: WHY IS BRITTANY RUNNING TOWARDS MY HOUSE?!

Santana: SJASCHAGSDA I’m sorry 

Santana: I thought it was so funny last time she just ran out of the house, so I wanted to see it again

Puck: But why me?

Santana: I told her you took her chocolate bar

Puck: DAMMIT WHY DID YOU SNITCH

Puck: I WOULD’VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE MEDDLING SANTANA

Santana: I’m-


	42. Tummy aches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last time I had a headache, now I have a tummy ache. So now everyone has a tummy ache here, the end.

**_New Directions 2.0_ **

Sam: How y’all feelin’?

Blaine: Having tummy aches. Ate too much cronuts.

Brittany: Having tummy aches. Maybe i’m pregnant.

Sam: Wait, have you cheated on Santana?

Brittany: Why would I cheat on Santana?

Sam: Then... how did you get pregnant?

Sam: Can two girls get pregnant!???

Jake: I am loving the brain cells in this chat tonight

Jake: I’m also having a tummy ache. I laughed too hard on a joke someone told me and it honestly felt like I broke an organ or something 

Ryder: That’s cool, bro

Marley: Tummy aches here aswell! Because i’m doing a test today and I feel like I haven’t studied

Unique: Marley, you have done nothing but studying and kissing your date, you’re gonna ACE this

Marley: Thanks Unique <3

Blaine: So... @AAbrams, can I join the 1.0 chat???

Artie: For the last time, no. 

* * *

_**New Directions** _

Artie: How many on this chat has tummy aches?

Tina: Me!!

Tina: Because i’m constipated :,)

Kurt: ...Thanks for the info, Tina

Kurt: I’m not having tummy aches, but I am taking care of my poor husband who has it due to eating too many cronuts

Santana: Same, but with my dear wife who thinks she’s pregnant while I think she just has period pains

Quinn: Cool I also have period pains :D

Quinn: Really. fucking. Unnecessary when I am not even... yeah

Rachel: But if you ever WOULD have another child, then your body is ready :-)

* * *

_**Lesbians who need help** _

Kitty: HEY MADISON YOUR GF IS HAVING TUMMY ACHES FROM KISSING YOU TOO MUCH

Madison: What?? That can happen

Kitty: Ok no actually she’s just worried for a test I just wanted to prank you

Madison: Screw you Kitty I got scared for a sec

Kitty: Oh god you lesbian disaster

Madison: We’re all lesbian disasters here, Kitty

Kitty: Not me and Quinn.

Quinn: RACHEL SAID MY BODY IS READY IN CASE I WANT ANOTHER KID SHE IS SO SWEET<3333333333

Kitty: ...well, not me

Madison: Kitty we literally have screens of you admitting you’re a lesbian don’t even

Kitty: Thanks, I just got a tummy ache from your bullshit

Madison: I- what?   
  


Quinn: Lmao


	43. 1 AM chats

**_New Directions_ **

Mike: 1 AM GANG WHO’S AWAKE

Rachel: Wow Mike of all the people I didn’t expect you to say that

Mike: I’m full of suprises :)

Brittany: I’m UPPPPPP

Brittany: I dreamed that I was taking care of a baby in the middle of the night and now I want to take care of a baby in the middle of the night

Kurt: Sometimes I wish the same tbh

Quinn: Rachel think’s i’m asleep >:)

Quinn: sneakygfpic.jpg

Rachel: Quinn I do not appreciate you taking a picture of my back in the darkness

Quinn: Come cuddle with me Rachie

Rachel: Okay

Mike: I love how we all just accept they are a couple now <3

Kurt: We are?

Kurt: Oh who am I kidding of course we are <33

Brittany: I want to have sex in my sleep

Puck: Yeah me too. You can come over and fall asleep next to me and we’ll see what happens

Brittany: I am married, Puckerman.

Quinn: Puck. He never changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s 1 AM irl for me rn. Just like with a lot of chapters, I will probably wake up later and think ”wow, what the fuck did I write?”
> 
> Also I sometimes think I should write a chapter first thing in the morning to see what happens.


	44. Sue arrives and causes chaos

_Sue has created a chat._

_Sue added_ **LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THIS FIC** _to the chat._

Brittany: What's a fic?

Sue: Hello, children.

Sue: I have summoned you all here and you cannot leave.

Finn: But... I can leave, right? I'm kinda... yk...?

Sue: Yes of course, rest in peace. I miss you every day.

_Finn has been allowed to leave the chat._

Rachel: I don't want to be in this chat, I feel offended by your presence.

_Rachel tried to leave. Access denied._

Sue: You will never leave unless I decide to.

Rachel: Ok then I will mute this chat. Good day.

Sugar: WoOOOOOooOOOOOOOOOOOOW THE WHOLE GANG HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Madison: Uhm hi

Marley: Well Mads atleast we get to be in the same groupchat for once.

Jake: What's going on?

Puck: I have no idea bro but have you gotten these weird texts from dad he sent one to me yesterday

Sue: So what's up with my favorite gang of misfits?

Quinn: I'm lesbian

Sue: Some _actual news_ from anyone?

Matt: I exist :)

Mike: MATT! MY MAN!

Matt: HI MIKE I GET TO SAY STUFF

Mike: ME TOO

Mercedes: What the hell is this

Sue: My dungeon of hell.

Ryder: Oh wow

Joe: Hi guys!

Alistair: What is going on here? Why is there so many people here?

Kitty: I don't know but I feel uncomfortable

Blaine: KURT??!??!? WHERE'S KURT? I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HIM IN THE CROWD

Sam: Keep calm Blaine he's probably here somewhere.

Tina: Why do I feel nervous

Unique: Oh same this feels freaky for some reason even if all of my friends are here.

Roderick: I strangely enough feel nervous too.

Kurt: BLAINE I'M HERE!! 

Blaine: HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Santana: God why are you two being so dramatic

Brittany: Santana i'm falling heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp

Santana: I'M GONNA SAVE YOU

Rory: Where and what exactly is she falling from?

Spencer: I'm highly confused?

Jane: Me too

Mason: Me three

Sue: How marvelous the gang is all here.

Artie: Guys I say we all block Sue

Sue: What? You can't block me!

Sue: Why am I not seeing anyone's message anymore?

Brittany: Oh because we all blocked you because that way we can get out of this chat without you noticing

Brittany: Goodbye!

Sue: THAT'S NOT FAIR

Sue: I WILL BE BACK.


	45. Sam the teacher

_**New Directions 2.0** _

Sam: Did you know Mr. Schue used to be in a glee club?

Jake: Yeah, he told us that like. Every lesson.

Sam: He just told me! Being a teacher is the best! You get to know all the inside information.

Blaine: Yeah how is work, Sam? Is it hard being a coach for the New Directions?

Sam: Sorta? Yes? We're doing journey songs this week, I kinda want the kids to feel a little Don't Stop Believing

Unique: Aww

Kitty: Nothing says New Directions like that damn song <3

Sam: Also!! Teacher coffee! It's the best!

Blaine: I bet.

Sam: You should all. Be teachers! It's so cool!!!!!!

Blaine: Well. I'm happy you're happy, Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting to run out of ideas in this wonderful fic. If you want me to continue this already super long fic, give me some ideas in the comments and I'll (maybe) use them.


	46. More fondue

_*Music* Fondue for two! Fondue for two! That's some hot dish! Fondue for two!_

_Brittany: Hi and welcome back to fondue for two. Todays guest is Noah Puckerman._

_Puck: Hi people!_

_Brittany: So, we are gonna focus on Puck's failing romance life, and if there's time, also how good my romance life goes._

_Puck: What-_

_Brittany: So, Puck, rumour has it that you dated a lesbian on and off for almost a decade._

_Puck: Well, we did have a child together and everything, so I did something right?_

_Brittany: The child was adopted at birth._

_Puck: Yeah, but that was because we were 16 and couldn't take care of her._

_Brittany: Would you like to say something to the internet that your daughter could hear?_

_Puck: Uh... Beth, if you see this, you probably have started school by now. Study hard, girl. You're probably the best in class._

_Brittany: Aww, how sweet! Now, let's go back to focusing on your failed relationships._

_Puck: Uh, can't we focus on your cats?_

_Lord Tubbington: Meow_

_Brittany: I need to get Marley on here, she could help Lord Tubbington... or Madison. One of her twin languages is cat._

_Puck: Okay..._

_Brittany: Oh, speaking of not failed relationships, here is my wife!_

_Santana: Brittany, when you're done, could you look up some cute onesies? You always manage to find the most precious._

_Puck: Onesies? For who?_

_Brittany: My wife is another lesbian Puck here has have sexual relations with. We saw how that ended up. Puck just turn girls gay. Except for me, he only turned me halfway._

_Puck: You like to call each other "my wife" don't you_

_Santana: Well, you would've understand if you had one._

_Lady Tubbington: Mrrow!_

_Brittany: Okay, I think we're done here for today. I need to look up onesies and imagine I have a baby wearing it._

_Santana: We're sort of in a baby bubble._

_Brittany: Bye!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys wanted fondue for two, I gave you that. You're welcome :D


	47. IHNIWTCTC (I have no idea what to call the chapter)

_Mason >> Jane_

Mason: I got you coke! They had half price for two!

Jane: Coke as coca cola or coke as drugs?

Mason: Both? :D

Mason: Nah, i'm just messing with you. It's a bottle of coca cola.

Jane: Thanks! I'm craving soda rn.

* * *

**_New Directions 2.0_ **

Unique: How is people?

Blaine: Life hovers above me

Artie: I'm pretty sure Kitty like. Kicked me out. When did I get in again?

Kitty: Off-camera.

Marley: I'm pretty sure my girl is high on coke.

Kitty: Oh, is she over-excited, more confident, claims sex is better when you're high?

Marley: ...no

Kitty: Oh ok because that's what happens when you're high on cocaine

Kitty: I have heard

Marley: Her brother was gonna buy some coke (soda bottles) for him and his girlfriend and Madison jokingly said "buy some real coke too!" and he took it seriously and somehow got it??? 

Marley: Like did he just buy it from the local supermarket or...???????? 

Marley: Anyways she had to try it now just to get the experience.

Brittany: Oh good then I can call her and she can speak to Lord Tubbington! He's high on catnip right now, so i'm sure they will get along!

Blaine: I'm- what is this chat anymore.

* * *

_Puck >> Santana_

Puck: Sup

Santana: What do you want

Puck: Just bored, wanted to say hi

Puck: So what's happening?

Santana: I'm looking at videos of babies laughing while Brittany is meowing at someone on a video call.

Puck: Okay? Why are you looking at baby vids

Santana: Because they are so CUTE!!!! I want one!

Puck: You're also really cute, Santana. No, you're hot.

Santana: ...ok?

Puck: Yeah

Puck: I wanna date again.

Santana: Just get on tinder. That app is MADE for people like you.

Puck: Ok cool I just need to find out my email adress

Santana: Oh sweet lord...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did this chapter have a special subject or story? Idk.
> 
> I wrote this at 11 pm and I haven't thought twice about what i'm actually writing down so it gets how it gets


	48. Flat moon

**_New Directions 2.0_ **

Marley: Anyone awake?

Tina: I’m

Jake: I have never in my life seen anyone JUST write ”i’m” and nothing else in these cases you say ”I am”

Ryder: Yeah even I know that

Tina: Shut up

Marley: I had a weird dream

Brittany: Woooow I am dreaming right now about you guys having weird dreams!! :0:0:0:0:0:0:0:0

Brittany: Hello, this is Santana writing. Brittany decided to try her cat’s catnip and it made her loopy so now she is acting like a drunk toddler

Jake: No offense but she is kind of like a drunk toddler all the time

Brittany: I take that as a compliment because I don’t wanna make toddlers get offended

Brittany: Toddlers are so cute 

Marley: You guys think the moon is flat and that’s why some people think the earth is flat?  
  


Ryder: What?

Marley: The old beard man said it to me in my weird dream 

Brittany: HE’S PROBABLY MY SON IN THE FUTURE

Marley: I’ll ask Mads about this.

* * *

_Marley >> Madison_

Marley: Do you think the moon is flat and that’s why some people think the earth is flat? The bearded man in my dream who probably is Britt’s son from the future said so

Madison: Omg that’s so interesting Yeah maybe we only see the floor of the moon and that’s why it looks round

Marley: Ok I love how you 1) Are awake rn, 2) Is ready to hear about my crazy theories from my dreams  
  


Madison: Hey just because it’s weird doesn’t mean it’s not uninteresting

Madison: Also I sleep better if I stare like a maniac out the window but now I can stare at your messages

Marley: Same

Marley: Love you to the flat moon and back


	49. Just faberry being faberry

_Rachel >> Quinn_

Rachel: I found this old picture

Rachel: pornographicme.jpg

Quinn: Omg 

Quinn: I'm sorry for drawing that. I was a bitch in sophomore year.

Rachel: No it's okay. I sort of liked it back then, even if it also made me uncomfortable

Quinn: You really forgive me for everything.

Rachel: I do. I just love you so much

Rachel: I'm so happy we are a couple now <3

Quinn: I wonder how we will be like over time. Imagine if we will be like Brittana.

Rachel: Well i'm not planning on calling you down from the roof because you decided to dance up there at 3 am

Quinn: And i'm not planning on running around with a cart with you in it while we're grocery shopping!

Rachel: Haha! 

Rachel: Santana and Brittany are chaotic, but they sure have found each other.

Quinn: Imagine if we'll be like Klaine. A happy couple just living life, listening to old broadway songs while we discuss weird baby names

Rachel: I can be down with discussing weird baby names with you. Santana and Brittany have almost smitten me with all of their baby talk.

Quinn: Yeah, are they gonna have a baby?

Rachel: In another fanfic by this author, they are both pregnant with a child each.

Quinn: How chaotic.

Rachel: You know, Jesse St. James tried to get back together with me just an hour after we became a couple

Rachel: I told him "sorry, in a relationship now" and to this day he is trying to figure out who i'm dating.

Quinn: I never liked him tbh

Rachel: I did (obviously) but... yeah, we weren't exactly the perfect match

Quinn: By the way, I cooked some dinner tonight

Rachel: Omg what did you make?

Quinn: Lasagna

Quinn: Vegan, of course :)

Rachel: I'm already hungry!!

Rachel: For food. Not that i'm not also hungry for... yeah you get it

Quinn: I do, but I might give you dessert if you're nice ;)

Rachel: Ooh.... c;

_Santana has joined the chat._

Santana: Guys, making hints of maybe doing dirty things is our thing. Stop copying us.

_Santana has left the chat._

Quinn: How does she do that

Quinn: Literally if I had a dollar for every time Santana just joins a chat without invitation or warning, I would have two dollars.

Quinn: Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice???

Rachel: She's married to Brittany, and Brittany has magic abilities we've established

Quinn: Yeah I know, which makes everything Britt says slightly less strange. Wish she could lend her magic abilities on me. I can of course speak swedish like any blonde girl, but I want her telepathy, psychicness and just joining chats she wasn't a part of without invite. 

Rachel: You gotta admit it though, it's pretty funny when Santana just appears without warning.

Quinn: Yeah I guess.

Quinn: Dinner's ready.

Rachel: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y'all want to read my chaotic brittana pregnacy fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24093010


	50. Will they or won’t they?

_Santana >> Brittany_

Santana: I spoke to the doctor. We can get an appointment next week.

Brittany: Omg!   
  


Brittany: I can’t believe it was... so simple. Just getting an appointment!

Santana: Yeah :D But hey, we still have to decide one major thing

Brittany: What?

Santana: Who’s gonna give us some seed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking 50 chapters. How is it possible.


	51. How people still likes this fic is beyond me

**_New Directions_ **

Kurt: Hey look what I did to Blaine!

Kurt: makeuphusband.jpg

Kurt: Don’t tell him I sent this in here

Santana: @mywife I don’t think we should use him, with both of our gay genes the child could be too gay to function either gender.

Rachel: Aww that’s a cute pic of him!

Rachel: Also, what??

Brittany: @ScissorQueen Yeah but if I carry it then it will be the perfect amount of unicorn power. Same thing if we use his husband. If we use his husband we have to name the child Sunshine, Sunny for short

Santana: That’s true

Artie: What’s going on?

Santana: Nah not him

Brittany: Aww but imagine having a child who’s interested in film though

Mike: What are you guys up to????

Brittany: OH imagine: Ultimate dance power if we mix our genes. Maybe too good at dancing to function as a human

Santana: Or be a powerful dancer and also have my shade. Perfect

Puck: ????

Santana: No

Brittany: Yeah no

Quinn: I have no idea what’s happening but I agree

Puck: Stop bullying me Quinn

Tina: Brittana please explain

Brittany: What about Sam?

Santana: Hmm yeah but idk

Artie: Are you... discussing who could be the father of your child or smth?

Santana: At first we gotta decide who will carry it

Brittany: But why can’t both of us?? We can have twins!

Santana: Because both of us are already pregnant in another fic by the author, we don’t want it to be too similar

Brittany: But the most Brittana thing of Brittana things was if both of us were pregnant at the same time because we didn’t know who would carry the child so we decided to both do it

Mercedes: Another normal day in the chat, I see.


	52. Villians chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I forgot your name, but someone gave me a suggestion of doing this! I thought it was a good idea, so let's try it out. Thank you for the idea!

_Sue has added Sebastian, Hunter, Jesse, Terri and Rod Remington to the chat._

Sue: I have gathered all of you here because I realised we all have one thing in common: The new directions hates us all. Of course the fighting is over since long, but it's still fun to reminisce about the past with people who understand.

Rod Remington: Good to see you Sue ;) Good to see everybody ;) I don't mind the new directions, they just seemed to always find me... ;) Creepy ;)

Terri: I have moved on from those old charades, Sue.

Hunter: I almost won that sectionals... still a bit bitter about it today.

Jesse: Yeah dude, i've been a part of that club for a while when I was spying on them. They somehow always crack your codes. They are unpredictable.

Sue: They sure am. Especially the cheerios in there. Good lord, the cheerios who joined the glee club really knew how to ruin it for me!

Sebastian: Especially Santana Lopez. You have no idea what that girl is capable of.

Jesse: It's always the lesbians, isn't it?

Sebastian: YEAH

Rod Remington: I can see the gays are getting along ;)

Jesse: I'm not gay

Sebastian: No, you're out after Rachel Berry. Who I think is not single.

Jesse: What? Is that why she isn't answering my texts??

Hunter: Ok I smell desperation

Sue: Jesse's been after Rachel for almost a decade, haven't you, Jesse?

Rod Remington: Oh, was that the girl who dated the late quarterback but secretly slash obviously had a thing for that cheerleader? ;)

Sue: Yes.

Terri: Definetly

Sebastian: Yea

Jesse: Wait, which cheerleader?? Kurt?

Sue: Kurt was a cheerleader in 2010 for half a semester, keep up.

Jesse: Well pardon me then.

Sebastian: Lol 

Sue: I realised she wasn't a cheerleader at the time you were mostly involved with the glee club, but Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry had a very special relationship

Sue: In fact, you should see them now

Jesse: I'm gonna hack into Rachel's phone and read her texts to Quinn to see what you mean.

Sebastian: AHAHAHA DUDE ILY

Sebastian: YOU JUST. HACK INTO SOMEONES PHONE LIKE THAT LOL

Hunter: God he should've gone to Dalton

Sebastian: Legit

Jesse: Oh

Jesse: So I found the texts

Jesse: What the heck

Hunter: What happened

Jesse: So I think Rachel is dating Quinn?

Sebastian: OOF

Sue: Told you so

Jesse: I have never... seen that?

Rod Remington: Really? ;) Even I could see that ;)

Sebastian: I didn't think you would be that heteronormative

Jesse: YOU JUST MET ME

Sebastian: Yeah, and you seem otherwise cool. Can I have your number?

Hunter: Wow how smooth.

Jesse: Uh, sure.


	53. Y’all seem to like Jesse content

_Jesse >> Rachel_

Jesse: So you’re not single

Rachel: No.

Jesse: You can have me as a side man

Rachel: No, I don’t do that. I’m happy with my current relationship.   
  


Jesse: Who is it with?

Rachel: None of your business

Jesse: It’s Quinn

Rachel: If you knew, why did you ask?

Jesse: I wanted to see if you trusted me enough to tell me.

Rachel: ...

Jesse: So how’s your... bed life with her?

Rachel: Too personal, Jesse

Jesse: I just don’t know two girls do it

Rachel: Then... Google it?? Like a normal millenial?

Jesse: No thank you

Jesse: So you’re a lesbian now?

Rachel: No.

Jesse: Bisexual?

Rachel: Yes.

Jesse: Cool. Cool. Were you bi when we dated?

Rachel: Yes.

Jesse: It was fun when you accidentally outed yourself in that groupchat

Rachel: Jesse have you hacked into my phone again?!

Jesse: How did you know?

Rachel: No one would tell you that info. Ever. 

Jesse: I’m sorry. I just needed to know who you dated because I wanted to know why you ignored my texts.

Rachel: Move on, Jesse

Jesse: I will. I just got someones number yesterday...

Jesse: Anyway I hope you and Quinn are gonna have a great time and that your neighbours think the building is haunted because of your loud noises ;)

* * *

_Santana >> Brittany_

Santana: Britt, I need some of your magical blonde powers. I think someone just copied something we have said or done and I need to invite myself in.

Brittany: I’ll always lend out the magic to you, my dearest. Come upstairs and we’ll perform the ritual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most people seemed to really like Jesse in the last chapter, so I brought him back for one more.


	54. Madison is high again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIGH OF HAPPINESS :DDD
> 
> No jk she's high because of drugs. Or she is not high at all just being herself. You decide.

_**New Directions 3.0** _

Alistair: sectionals.jpg

Alistair: Our first win!

Spencer: Aww!!

Roderick: I remember Spencer hanging in the ceiling.

Alistair: That was so awesome

Madison: yEEEAAAAAh

Kitty: Oh no Madison is writing weirdly again

Jane: Well she ain't meowing with Mason again so that's good

Madison: I'm FINe

Roderick: Lowkey isn't that how she just writes in general?

Jane: Mason?

Mason: I think she's finEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Spencer: jfk

Kitty: Uh Mason what happened

Mason: Madison jumped on me!

Mason: Yeah because you're the best brOTHER EVER

Mason: OOPS WRong PHONE

Madison: mY PHONE

Mason: She just ran off laughing

Kitty: I'm calling Marley

* * *

_Marley >> Madison_

Marley: Are you high again?

Madison: :D

Marley: Sweetie what have I said 

Madison: I CAN FLY

Marley: No you can't. I wish humans could fly, but they can't.

Marley: Now calm down.

Madison: DiD you know Brittany has a cat

Marley: Yes, I did know that

Madison: I talked to it while it was high on catnip

Marley: Don't join Lord Tubbington's gang.

Madison: I wont ;))

* * *

_Santana >> Marley_

Santana: Having a girlfriend like Madison is a bit like having a child, huh?

Marley: How did you- Britt's super powers, right?

Santana: No, actually Lord Tubbington is up late chatting with her. We have to monitor him because otherwise he will hack into mices bank accounts.

Marley: So I guess i've sorta gotten a mini Brittany

Santana: Nah, Brittany only thinks the things that Madison actually says. That's a difference.

Santana: Plus, when Brittany is high she is very calm and sleepy. Madison is wild both normal _and_ high

Marley: Well I love her regardless.

Santana: That's good. Just wait until you're married and both of you are pregnant with probably different sperm donors to each baby.

Marley: Wait, what-


	55. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZÅÄÖ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ran out of ideas for the title so now it's the swedish alphabet

**_New Directions_ **

Artie: What's going on with my favorite people today?

Mike: Vibing

Rachel: Living life

Brittany: Maybe sorta pregnant idk

Santana: ^

Tina: I want coffee

Sam: Then get coffee

Rachel: Sam you're not in this chat!

Sam: Oh right

_Sam has been removed for intruding in a chat they were not in._

Puck: Why is there a message for that??

Artie: There just is.

Kurt: Is anyone gonna talk about Brittana or...

Quinn: I wanna fly. 

Rachel: I can make you fly, sweetie.

Santana: FHDSGYHUIBXOI RACHEL

Kurt: Rachel no

Mercedes: Nooo my eyes

Rachel: What?? It's okay when Santana and Brittany say stuff like that!

Santana: Yeah, because we're cooler than you??

Mike: I think that's a valid argument.

Rachel: :(

Quinn: Don't bully my girlfriend! ;(

Artie: AWw

Mercedes: You two are such a cute couple

Mercedes: But Rachel never makes those types of jokes again sorry but it just feels iffy when you say it

Quinn: Mercedes should I do a Brittany and run to your house to scold you

Brittany: YES

Mercedes: Ok ok i'm sorry

Quinn: Good. Now i'm gonna go and let Rachel make me fly like the awesome girlfriend that she is.

Quinn: But Rachel be sure to not grab my armpits you know that tickles.

Kurt: Wait... you're _actually_ lifting her up to make her fly?

Rachel: Yeah? Quinn's a former cheerleader, she is light as a feather. 

Rachel: What did you think??

Santana: What do YOU think when me and Brittany say that?

Rachel: That you're literally lifting up each other in the air to make it feel like you're flying?

Santana: HKNJVUIHTOHHJHK

Tina: I SPAT OUT MY COFFEE ON THE SCREEN WHEN I READ THAT

Artie: Oh I love this chat


	56. Occasional name switches

_**New Directions** _

_Artie has unlocked name switching settings._

Artie: I just wanted to see if you could handle it.

Kurt: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Kurt has changed their name to "QueenElisabethHummel"_

_Rachel has changed their name to "Rachel Berry TM"_

Santana: You trademarked your name?

Rachel Berry TM: In this groupchat, yes.

_Santana has changed their name to "AuntieSnixx"_

_Tina has changed their name to "NotGoth"_

_Quinn has changed their name to "Holy Mother of fuck"_

AuntieSnixx: HJRFNCRRIB QUINN

Holy Mother of fuck: I didn't realise I named myself that, that was what I thought just now, a car just fell over on the street

_Brittany has changed their name to "Susan B. Pierce"_

_Mike has changed their name to "DanceMan3000"_

_Mercedes has changed their name to "Highest note in this facility"_

_Puck has changed their name to "ThreesomeFoursome"_

QueenElisabethHummel: Why am I surprised over Pucks' name

DanceMan3000: Did you guys know you can change other peoples names too

Holy Mother of fuck: Holy mother of fuck how can you do that

DanceMan3000: Well, you know how you can name people when you @ them? You can do the same thing if you just double press their name!

_DanceMan3000 has changed NotGoth's name to "Cohen-Chang"_

Cohen-Chang: Cool!

_Cohen-Chang has changed DanceMan3000's name to "WoopWoop"_

_AuntieSnixx has changed Susan B. Pierce's name to "ScissorQueen"_

_ScissorQueen has changed AuntieSnixx's name to "Yourehavinmybaby"_

_Rachel Berry TM has changed Holy mother of fuck's name to "Quinnmydarling"_

_Quinnmydarling has changed Rachel Berry TM's name to "Baby I love you but that's not a cool name"_

_Baby I love you but that's not a cool name has changed Quinnmydarling's name to "Sorry then"_

_Sorry then has changed ThreesomeFoursome's name to "You're not cool Puck stop"_

_Highest note in this facility has changed QueenElisabethHummel's name to "Second highest note in this facility"_

_Baby I love you but that's not a cool name has changed Highest note in this facility's name to "Hey what about me >:("_

_Yourehavinmybaby has changed Baby I love you but that's not a cool name's name to "Rachel everyone can reach higher notes than you"_

_ScissorQueen has changed Yourehavinmybaby's name to "Yeah I bet even Puck can reach higher than you"_

_Sorry then has changed ScissorQueen's name to "Hey you should hear her high notes in bed"_

_Hey you should hear her high notes in bed has changed Sorry then's name to "Who Rachel or Santana"_

_Who Rachel or Santana has changed Hey you should hear her high notes in bed's name to "Britt who am I dating"_

_Britt who am I dating has changed Who Rachel or Santana's name to "I don't even know who you are!"_

Artie: OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH

_ARTIE HAS BEEN ANNOYED AND THEREFORE IMPLEMENTED CAPS LOCK._

_ARTIE HAS RESET EVERYONE'S NAMES._

_ARTIE HAS LOCKED NAME SWITCHING SETTINGS._

Artie: >:(


	57. Blam!

_Sam >> Blaine_

Sam: I'm sad

Blaine: Why are you sad?

Sam: I don't want to be single.

Blaine: Then go on tinder dates

Sam: It was boring

Blaine: Well... I don't know, Sam. People are single sometimes. That's life.

Sam: It's a bummer you're not a girl, then we could be together

Blaine: ...

Blaine: But I don't think I would look good as a woman.

Sam: Yeah, I know.

Blaine: My handsomeness comes from my manly proportions- wait, what?

Sam: I have imagined everyone genderbent. You wouldn't look good as a girl. Sorry, Betty

Sam: Blaine*

Blaine: ................................

Blaine: Just a quick question, Sam.

Blaine: What would be your name if you were a girl?

Sam: Sam

Blaine: Fair enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently watched a movie where two boys had a similar conversation  
> Boy 1: It's a bummer you're not a girl. Then we could be together  
> Boy 2: Yeah... but I don't look good in in boobs  
> Boy 1: Yeah, I know.  
> End of conversation.  
> It was a fun movie. It was called "Bert - den siste oskulden" which translates to "Bert - the last virgin".


	58. Halloweenie-tweenies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one is a tweenie (except for maybe one...) I just wanted to name the chapter that

_**New Directions** _

Kurt: What are your plans for halloween? Are you dressing up?

Santana: Our original plan was to put up a sign that says "we are witches and we will make it rain candy for the kids with good costumes" and then we'll drink wine and judge kids costumes from the second floor and throw candy at them if we like them.

Brittany: And if we don't like them we will throw cat hair.

Santana: But due to circumstances we can't drink wine so we're just gonna drink pepsi max

Mercedes: Sam is definitely going to try to scare me in my backyard. He has done this like three years in a row now.

Kurt: Blaine and I are gonna dress up as Richie and Eddie! 

Mercedes: Child or adult versions?

Kurt: We'll see.

Rachel: Since I am in a such an open normbreaking relationship now, I was thinking Quinn and I could dress up as an iconic WLW couple. Bonus points if the couple is a bisexual and a lesbian.

Santana: So you're gonna dress up like me and Brittany is what you're saying

Quinn: I WANNA DRESS UP AS CADY AND JANIS

Rachel: They aren't a couple, sweetie

Quinn: IN MY WORLD THEY ARE

Rachel: No, Cady ended up with Aaron and Janis ended up with Kevin the math nerd

Quinn: That was terrible writing

Quinn: Rachel have you seen Mean Girls the musical

Rachel: No, I thought the movie was too cheesy for me to really consider watching the musical

Quinn: WELL IF YOU DID WATCH THE MUSICAL YOU WOULD KNOW FOR A FACT THAT JANIS IS A LESBIAN ICON AND "I SEE STARS" WAS CADY JUST DOING A LOVE SONG TO HER

Artie: I'm dressing up as a dragon- ohh okay I was writing too slow what's going on

Rachel: Ok but I don't know the characters as well as you do so maybe next year? Can't we be another couple? A canon couple?

Quinn: MEGAN AND GRAHAM

Rachel: Elin and Agnes perhaps?

Quinn: Who dat

Rachel: You have to watch international films, Quinn! You don't know how many movies you're missing out on just because it wasn't released or commercialized in your country. And you also don't speak the language at all so you either have to relay on subtitles or just have to understand anyway. Or just live with it being dubbed. Show me love, 1998. Very cute film, also very edgy. 

Quinn: Do we have to dress up as a couple? Can't we just dress up as whatever we want?

Rachel: Hm, we'll see.

Tina: I'm out of ideas and I may just be my vampire persona for halloween

Mike: I'm gonna be spiderman. Maybe childish, but i'm a grown adult and I can do what I want.

Puck: Cool. I'm gonna be a male Sue Sylvester

Kurt: Lol what?

Puck: I'll send pictures later, it's gonna be awesome

* * *

_**New Directions 2.0** _

Kitty: What are you losers doing for halloween? I'm gonna do a Regina George and dress up as a bunny.

Brittany: Why not a kitty?

Kitty: ALREADY HEARD IT

Jake: Why not a kit- ah, typed too slow

Jake: My mom says that I should dress up as Jake from Tweenies for halloween?? Because of the name??? No????????????

Jake: I kind of look more like Milo if I was gonna choose one

Ryder: OOH!! BUT JAKE HAS A MOHAWK! YOU CAN FORCE PUCK TO BE JAKE AND YOU CAN GO AS MILO

Unique: I'm loving the chat today

Unique: I'm gonna dress up as the henchperson of indeterminate gender from A series of unfortunate events! It's gonna be a mixture of the book illustrations and how they were portrayed in that new adaptation.

Sam: I'm gonna dress up as Jeff the killer and scare Mercedes in her backyard! She won't suspect a thing!

Blaine: Well me and Kurt are gonna dress up as Richie and Eddie and then we're just gonna happily give candy to all the children

Blaine: I can't wait until I have a child I can get to send away on halloween.

Marley: There's a halloween party at my college. I'm gonna go as Violetta Castillo. Not exactly a scary look, more of a cosplay really, but hey, dressing up is dressing up!

Marley: Although no one is probably going to know who she is, because _Violetta_ wasn't really the show american kids watched.

Kitty: Yeah no especially not american kids _your_ age, Marley. 

Marley: What can I say? I have a guilty pleasure for Disney Channel shows.

Marley: Did you know Violetta was like... HUGE everywhere else in the world? They had tours, merchandise everywhere... and I mean EVERYWHERE.

Marley: Also I sent this to Madison earlier and she thought these two were lesbians because of [this music video](https://youtu.be/sl2sZv4MjkU)

Sam: ...aren't they?

Marley: Oh noonono

Sam: I haven't seen the show and I think I ship them anyway

Marley: Bad idea ;)

Marley: This is the [english version](https://youtu.be/QBNeoV614DA) of that song.

Kitty: I still think they are lesbians

Sam: ^

Marley: TKJFKJJJEIEHU

Marley: Then you should see season 3.......

* * *

**_New Directions 3.0_ **

Kitty: What are y'all doing for halloween?

Madison: MARLEY INVITED ME TO A COLLEGE PARTY!

Mason: I don't think you should go.

Jane: Eh, let her go, and we can watch horror movies in peace.

Alistair: I don't like halloween that much, or dressing up, but some of the warbler boys asked if me, Spencer and Roderick wanted to go see some acapella concert of halloween songs

Spencer: What even is halloween songs?

Roderick: We'll just see when we get there

Madison: I'M GONNA DRESS UP AS A SKANK

Mason: Did you misspell skunk?

Madison: NO, A SKANK

Madison: I DON'T KNOW WHY I JUST WANNA

Kitty: Seems fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if i'm glad or not that America sort of missed Violetta.   
> Violetta was in some ways like glee, but it was an argentinean soap opera for kids and they had like 80 episodes per season (AND I WATCHED IT ALL). If you ever feel like watching it, I think it's on disney plus, but please for the love of god do not watch with the english dub. I watched it with the swedish dub when it aired and while that wasn't any better, the english dub is... well, it's better in season 2 but in season 1 it's terrible. Watch it in original spanish and you can learn spanish on the way.   
> But the songs are bops, both in spanish AND in the english translations, actually. 
> 
> Ok, imma stop talking about Violetta now lol. I will just say that it lowkey feels like the main couple is Finchel but latin american.


	59. Rachel's announcement

**_New Directions_ **

Rachel: Guys! Good news!

Kurt: You've met Barbra Streissand?

Rachel: Better!

Santana: You were on top last time?

Quinn: She was not. 

Rachel: ........

Rachel: I GOT THE PART!

Mike: What part?

Rachel: JANE AUSTEN SINGS! I GOT THE PART

Mike: I didn't even know you had an audition, but congrats!

Kurt: I didn't even know that Jane Austen sings existed... i'm a bad broadway nerd today.

Brittany: I didn't even know Rachel could time travel to Jane Austens time and sing?!

Rachel: I'm so excited!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, let's throw some canon stuff into the mix because why not!   
> Fun fact: I have no plans to end this fic soon, but when/if I do, then I would do a sequel. This fic takes place in a timeless void between 2016 and 2020, while that sequel would take place in a timeless void after 2020.


	60. Honestly tho

_Kurt >> Rachel_

Kurt: Hey remember in sophomore year when we were taking the club photo

Rachel: Yeah, and the commercial <3

Kurt: <3

Kurt: But do you remember that you wanted to sneak yourself in onto every club photo?

Rachel: Yea

Kurt: Remember that you asked me if we could make a gay-lesbian alliance?

Kurt: Probably not 

Kurt: But sometimes I have thought just how chaotic it had been if you and I had started that

Rachel: ...

Kurt: I know you’re bi but I believe you thought you were straight at that time

Rachel: Yes...

Kurt: Well imagine if we started a gay-lesbian alliance. Imagine if... Finn asked you were you were going and you said ”to a meeting at the gay-lesbian alliance” 

Kurt: Ieidkdkdndsijmfksiaks

Rachel: Why are you keyboard smashing

Kurt: That’s how I express emotions in text.

Rachel: Okay yeah it was a strange idea. I just wanted to be included in everything, you know?

Kurt: I think you would’ve gotten with Quinn a lot sooner if you started the gay-lesbian alliance with me

Kurt: Or, to make it more inclusive: The LGBTQ+ alliance.   
  


Rachel: KwidkdkdkslOdiif

Kurt: Ooh keyboard smash! You’re learning to express your emotions on the internet!

Rachel: No, my cat walked on my keyboard

Kurt: You don’t have a cat

Rachel: Brittany’s cat walked on my keyboard

Kurt: Lord Tubbington is in Philadelphia to make a live action remake of ”Peter No-Tail in AmeriCat”. Lady Tubbington is having a catnip trip

Rachel: How did you know this?

Kurt: And Brittany’s old cat Charity is old and lives in a home with a bitter catlady

Kurt: Oh, I follow them on social media. Lord Tubbington updates twitter a lot. Lady Tubbington’s snap stories are great, especially when she’s high or sneak records Britt. I don’t follow Charity but Britt told me about her.

Kurt: YOU HAVE TO follow Britt’s cats, Rachel.

Rachel: Maybe one day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to find fics about Rachel and Kurt starting the gay-lesbian alliance they mentioned in 1x12. If I don’t find any then I guess I have to write it myself.


	61. Hackerz

_**New Directions** _

Artie: This is a hacker! Nobody's safe

Quinn: K

Puck: Sounds great Artie

Tina: Guys no he's not joking, i'm with Artie rn

Tina: Artiesnotguilty.mpg

Puck: Ok wait

Artie: Why does this dude have a bookmarked movie on his phone called "two girls and one cat"?

Santana: DON'T WATCH

Artie: This dude is weird, i'm gonna hack someone else.

Artie: Hey guys i'm back wtf 

Artie: Luckily the hacker didn't get any valuable information

Brittany: No i'm more into leaking peoples texts

Mercedes: Britt are you the hacker?!

Brittany: This is the hacker hacking Brittany

Santana: Can confirm, Brittany cannot get onto her account rn. I can send a video to prove like Tina did with Artie.

Brittany: So to judge Brittany based on her camera roll: A lot of pictures of cats, which is a classic case of a cat owner. A lot of pics of this black haired girl. Her best friend, probably.

Santana: Well yeah, that is... kinda right?

Kurt: Lol

Brittany: This girl's texts?? She is so weird

Santana: HEY!! >:(

Brittany: K next victim now

Brittany: I'm back, my evil twin I didn't know I had is gone.

Mercedes: Yay!

Mike: Hacker here. This dude is OBSESSED with dancing like he needs help

Rachel: I swear if this is Jesse St. James hacking people again.

Rachel: Hacker here. Not this Jesse you speak off.

Rachel: Also I have a hard time figuring out this girl. Why is she so obsessed with herself. And why does she seem so obsessed with this blonde girl is she in love with her or something

Quinn: Yes.

Rachel: Nah, i'm bored now.

Mercedes: Is this Sue Sylvester perhaps

Mercedes: No i'm not

Mercedes: Also you have a good voice I watched your videos of yourself

Mercedes: Thank you hacker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had an idea when I started this chapter and then I forgot my idea and wrote the first thing that came to my mind.


	62. Friday the 13th

**_New Directions 2.0_ **

Ryder: How's your friday the 13th going? I've been lucky this far.

Jake: I got late to my second class, but otherwise it's going good.

Artie: I was afraid of my breaks almost falling off, but they didn't. I was afraid for no reason.

Unique: Broke a heel :(

Tina: Sent a spicy text wrong that was supposed to go to Artie... :-)

Artie: Who did you send it wrong to?

Blaine: **me**

Kitty: NFHKRTDJI

Blaine: I'm traumatised

Kitty: Tina turned Blaine even gayer I bet

Sam: Tina can turn any man gay, she just has that power

Marley: NHDRSYFREIU _what_

Tina: I'M SORRY BLAINE 

Blaine: Me too. I need to bleach my eyes with gay cleaning powder.

Kitty: Same

Brittany: It's not been a very unlucky day for me, mostly for my cats. I threw Lady Tubbington off the roof because I thought she was a bird trying to fly. But she's a cat, so she was fine. But Lord Tubbington thought she had tried to end her fourth life and now he's traumatised.

Sam: Sounds like a normal day, by other words.


	63. Game night in the chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are playing cards against humanity and just a warning, this fic version is not completely accurate to the real game.

_**New Directions** _

Artie: ALRIGHT WHO WANTS TO PLAY CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY ONLINE

Tina: FUCK YEAH

Rachel: Sure, what's the rules?

Artie: We will take turns being the "judge" for the game. The rest of the players will submit random sentences anonymously, and the judge will choose which one fits the best.

Artie: That's not always the rules, but in this online format it is.

Mike: JOINING

Santana: YeeaAAAAAAh

Artie: OH, and also, the judge will vote one out every round aswell, so it will be fewer and fewer.

Mercedes: I'm ready!!!!!!!

Artie: Alright, let's go!!

* * *

**Cards against humanity online!**

**Round 1 - ARTIE is the judge!**

Artie: Aight

**Sentence: I would rather ______ than go to school**

Santana: Guys these fkn cards I got they are GLORIOUS

**Time's up!**

**ARTIE has to pick 1 card and vote out 1 card.**

**Cards:** _"Have sex", "Eat macaroni and cheese", "grill a baby", "go to school", "sing a lullaby", "break a window", "shoplift bubblegum", "set fire to the nearest forest", "Kill a man", "vomit"_

**ARTIE picked "I would rather set fire to the nearest forest than go to school" and voted out "I would rather go to school than go to school"**

Tina: It's not my fault I got such bad cards >;(

Santana: YES I won!

* * *

**Round 2 - SANTANA is the judge!**

Santana: Oh I guess the winner gets to judge cool

**Sentence: I just want to ______**

**Time's up!**

**SANTANA has to pick 1 card and vote out 1 card.**

**Cards:** _"Have sex", "Lie", "Count to eleven", "Fly like a bat", "Read fanfiction", "Eat", "Wear a diaper", "Howl at the moon", "Bite my teacher"_

Puck: Who is it the have sex person because it ain't me

Brittany: Me neither

**SANTANA picked "I just want to fly like a bat" and voted out "I just want to count to eleven"**

Puck: Hey eleven is my fave number!

Santana: Sorry not sorry but your card of choice sucked

Mike: But mine won! 

Mike: It was an homage to Tina, who got away too soon </3

* * *

**Round 3 - MIKE is the judge!**

**Sentence: I could ____ and then _____**

Brittany: Ooh, double up

Mercedes: PREPARE FOR TROUBLE

Kurt: MAKE IT DOUBLE

Santana: Mike please hack the system and vote out Mercedes and Kurt NOW!

**Time's up!**

**MIKE has to pick 2 cards and vote out two cards.**

**Cards:** _"Have sex", "Take over the world", "Dine out", "Swallow a rat", "Regress into a five year old", "Adopt a turtle", "Perform Love Love Peace Peace", "Take the stairs"_

Artie: I wonder if it's different people picking "have sex" or if someone actually has the same card multiple times

Brittany: Some people are just so horny the internet can read their mind.

**MIKE picked "I could have sex and then take over the world" and voted out "I could regress into a five year old and then take the stairs".**

Artie: Aww, loss.

Mercedes: Loss here too :c

Kurt: Which picked which??

Mercedes: We won't say that!

Quinn: The important thing is who won!

Quinn: I PICKED TAKE OVER THE WORLD

Rachel: I WON

Santana: SO RACHEL WAS THE HORNY SEX PERSON

Rachel: No this the first time I had that card I swear

Quinn: "Gosh I only have cards that say 'Have sex' or 'Eat Meat' and only those two options which should I choose?" - Rachel, to me, 5 mins ago.

Kurt: #faberrypower

* * *

**Round 4 - QUINN is the judge!**

**Sentence: The government advises you to ____**

**Time's up!**

**QUINN has to pick 1 card and vote out 1 card.**

**Cards:** _"Eat meat", "Make my little pony a religion", "Make money", "Be your own mom", "Kill them all", "Kiss your pillow"_

Santana: Of course Quinn's gonna pick Rachel's.

**QUINN picked "The government advises you to kill them all" and voted out "The government advises you to eat meat".**

Quinn: Sorry bae but the other ones were more fun

Rachel: >:(

Brittany: I KNEW KILL THEM ALL WOULD BE A GOOD CHOICE I KNOW QUINN WELL

* * *

**Round 5 - BRITTANY is the judge!**

**Sentence: I'd like ____ to _____**

Mike: Ok found the perfect card

Quinn: Same

Kurt: Yes

Santana: Think I also did

**Time's up!**

**BRITTANY has to pick 2 cards and vote out 2 cards.**

**Cards:** _"Cats", "Feed me", "Fondue", "Eat their own toes", "The rich"_

Brittany: I feel like some of you people are trying to impress me.

Brittany: Not buying it.

**BRITTANY picked "I'd like the rich to eat their own toes" and voted out "I'd like cats to feed me"**

Quinn: Dammit

Mike: Yeah

Santana: This is gonna be a final match I think, hm?

* * *

**Final round - KURT is the judge!**

**Sentence: The next song is called ____**

**Time's up!**

**KURT has to pick 1 card and vote out 1 card.**

**Cards:** _"Hot chips", "Money for all", "Yucky beans"_

Brittany: Wait, why is there three answers when only me and Santana are competing?

Santana: Must be a glitch

**KURT picked "The next song is called money for all" and voted out "The next song is called hot chips"**

Brittany: Aww ;c

Kurt: Congrats Santana you won!

Santana: ...but I didn't pick that

Kurt: THEN WHO DID

Sugar: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I WON!!!

Kurt: HFSYEWKJKGEHREDEH

Santana: EFKYHUEWNHJGHVJUEIHV WHAT

Brittany: Oh, hi Sugar!

Kurt: How long have you been in here?

Sugar: Forever and ever <33 

* * *

**The winner is SUGAR!**

Santana: But hey should'nt there be a final round with just me and Sugar?

Artie: No, the final round is always 3 people. It doesn't matter how many times you''ve won before, it's the person winning in the final round who wins.

Santana: What kind of bullshit rules is that

Artie: Idk

Artie: This was a free online version, it's not that close to the real game

Brittany: I just feel distraught and pregnant over this ugh.

Santana: Same

Sugar: So can I get into the big chat??

Mercedes: Sorry, only for OGs. But you can join the 2.0 chat, I think!

Tina: Yeah, i'll fix that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was based on the time I played an online version of cards against humanity on a discord voice chat. I had to change some things to make it fit this chat more, so it's not that accurate. In the real game for example you don't get fewer and fewer players (atleast not in the versions I have played). I mostly wanted to build up some tension to reveal SUGAR!  
> Hope you liked the chapter anyways despite the inaccuracies!


	64. I donated the egg

_Kurt added Blaine, Rachel and Quinn to the chat._

Kurt: Hello ladies! Blaine and I would like to speak to you about something.

Blaine: Yes. You see, Kurt and I have kind of... thought about having a child for a while.

Rachel: Aww, how wonderful!

Blaine: Well, adoption is something we thought of, but that is a long process, especially if you're a same sex couple.

Kurt: We were kind of wondering if anyone of you would be a potential surrogate for us.

Kurt: Of course, it's a decision that takes a lot of thinking. It's just a suggestion.

Rachel: YES

Rachel: I WOULD. LOVE TO CARRY YOUR CHILD

Rachel: IT WOULD BE A COMPLETE CIRCLE ON HOW I MYSELF WAS RAISED

Quinn: I'm not getting pregnant again, I would just get trauma from last time.

Quinn: But I would, absolutely, donate an egg.

Blaine: If Quinn donates the egg, and Rachel carries the child, then this will be the perfect Klaine-Faberry collab

Rachel: YES

Kurt: Yaz

Quinn: Yes!

Blaine: By the way random question: Is Brittana pregnant? Like, both of them?

Kurt: I think so?

Rachel: Honestly I have no idea they just mention it sometimes and I just get confused

Quinn: I know Brittany and Santana really well and can read their codes - yes, they are. 

Rachel: Who are the sperm donor/s?

Kurt: Santana tried to force some of us to get over and one after one do it in a cup.

Rachel: WHAT

Blaine: Yep... we said no.

Kurt: But I think Puck wasn't allowed, but he tried to get there anyways.

Kurt: I have no idea who impregnated them

Quinn: Plot twist: They impregnated themsevelves by pure magic

Rachel: That, or one of them does not have a female organ

Kurt: ...then how could they become pregnant, Rachel

Quinn: Have seen them naked, they are cisgender.

Kurt: HKLSUKJRSRHJGTH

Kurt: Sorry, just "have seen them naked" sounded so funny

Quinn: We were all in the cheerios, Kurt, we showered together

Blaine: Showered together, huuuuuh?? ;)

Quinn: STOP

Quinn: Santana did teach me how to properly please a woman, though. And Brittany slept with so many she gave us a lot of tips.

Kurt: W

Quinn: Don't say it

Kurt: WANKY

Blaine: WANKY

Quinn: ...

Quinn: This is my own fault for bringing it up.

Rachel: Can you teach me how to properly please a woman, Quinnie?

Quinn: You do that already, Rache

Quinn: ... lettuce ;)

Rachel: Oh... maybe we should speak in a private chat

Blaine: YES YOU SHOULD

Blaine: KURT JUST BARFED AFTER READING "LETTUCE" NOW I HAVE TO BE UP ALL NIGHT WITH HIM.

Quinn: Oops


	65. Kitty got lucky

_**Lesbians who need help** _

Kitty: I'm filled with joy

Quinn: Why, what happened?

Kitty: ;)

Madison: Why the smirk- ooooh

Quinn: What?

Madison: If i'm right, which I happen to be sometimes: Since Kitty is writing this in this particular chat, that means she's happy because of something... not so straight c-:

Quinn: ooooooh

Kitty: I won't confirm or deny.

Madison: Well I mean you kinda confirmed

Kitty: Are you named Madison because when you were born your parents thought you were mad?

Quinn: Kitty have you... been seeing someone?

Kitty: Maybe ;)

Quinn: How romantic

Madison: Let me guess... you got to third base ;)

Kitty: Again, I can't confirm or deny

Madison: Omg

Madison: Kitty was this your first time... with a girl?

Quinn: Then I understand if you're amazed. Two girls do equal better... pleasures

Madison: Hm, weird. Santana hasn't broken into this chat to shout "wanky" at us.

Quinn: Hm.

* * *

_Quinn >> Santana_

Quinn: We think Kitty might've slept with a girl for the first time and we were wondering if you're gonna wanky us

Santana: I can't break into chats right now, as Brittany won't lend me her magic powers. Apparently she needs to save a lot for one of the babies.

Quinn: I can lend you mine?

Santana: Doesn't work. We're not soulmates.

Santana: Ugh ok tell Kitty i'm practising wanky distancing.

* * *

**_Lesbians who need help_ **

Quinn: Santana sends a wanky from a distance.

Madison: Now, who's the lucky lady?

Kitty: Ok fine

Kitty: I can't remember her name at all. We didn't talk much during... but it was magical.

Madison: I bet <:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will see if I ever make an identity for Kitty's mysterious one night stand, or if it just will stay mysterious and anonymous.


	66. Just imagining

**_New Directions_ **

Mike: Okay, so just imagining:

Mike: We're all ghosts. Haunting the same place.

Mercedes: Haunting Mckinley then

Mike: Yes.

Mercedes: Well it would be a bit fun if all of us were ghosts together

Tina: Yeah and just float around and prank people

Quinn: We could torture Sue!!

Artie: Until she sends the ghostbusters

Rachel: Sing and perform nonstop <3

Puck: Spying on people in the vents

Santana: I would enjoy walking around judging people

Kurt: Same, and also give spiritual help for those who need it.

Brittany: Having ghost sex sounds awesome. You could have it everywhere. In the classroom while everyone has a test, in the vents, floating in air without falling down...

Brittany: Why is no one writing anymore?

Artie: It would agree that sounds nice but you know what?

Artie: I'm glad to not be a ghost trapped for eternity in a school and to be alive and allowed to go wherever I want.

Kurt: Yeah

Mike: Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lowkey want to end this fic when I reach 69 chapters but I also sorta don’t feel quite finished with it yet for a long time xD


	67. Baby talk

_Santana >> Brittany_

Santana: So do we have the same day of birth?

Brittany: I hope so

Brittany: I wanna have twins

Santana: Yeah!

Santana: Also did your doctor say the gender? ;)

Brittany: Maybe ;)

Santana: Same here ;))

Brittany: ;;;)

Santana: We're gonna be the best mothers ever

Brittany: Does the babies have the same dads?

Santana: No idea, we told them to surprise us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brittana has kind of lowkey talked about their double pregnancy for like 20 chapters so I decided to focus on it a bit more


	68. Tartie content

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They literally have gotten like 2% of screentime so it’s time

_Artie >> Tina_

Artie: babytarts.jpg 

Artie: Us in freshman year!

Tina: Awwwwww

Tina: Remember when Sue chased me and you just wheeled up and said ”hop on!”

Artie: Yeah and then we just dashed through the parking lot

Tina: :D

Artie: Why was she chasing you?

Tina: I accidentally touched her when we passed in the hallways

Artie: omfg

Artie: We’ve been through some wild times babe

Tina: Yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should do this with all the other ships I have tagged but barely used


	69. A throwback to the chaos at Mckinley High

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place in season 3 of Glee. Get ready for full chaos.

_**Mckinley Glee Club chat somewhere between 2011-2012.** _

Wheelios (Artie): Hey did anyone else hear someone screaming?

Greenman (Rory): I heard it too.

Bumperbowlingfan (Blaine): They just ran past my classroom. It's two people who I couldn't see because they ran so fast, and a third person... recording?

Queen (Quinn): I'M RECFE9JENG

Queen (Quinn): Recordinghj*

Queen (Quinn): Youget what I mean Icanttypee I ruuun to fadst

Brittany (Brittany): I got excused from class because my phone kept buzzing so the teacher assumed I had to take a phone call. Rachel and Kurt ran beside me now and Quinn is running behind recording everything and now Santana walked out and she drags my hand we are running at the moment she follows Kurt Rachel and Quinn

Bumperbowlingfan (Blaine): Oh no what has Rachel done to Kurt now

Quarterofaback (Finn): Rachel and I made out in my room last night and before she went she went into Kurts room and they seemed to argue... then she went home and Kurt did not want to talk about it.

SatansSnixx (Santana): GUYS THEY ARE HAVING A FIGHT

Factsoflifeboy (Kurt): WE ARE NOITTTT E´HAVINMG, A GFIGHT

Brittany (Brittany): Kurt, try to not text while Rachel hits you with her brush

SatansSnixx (Santana): QUINN HAS RECORDED EVERYTHING

NotGreenEggsAndHam (Sam): Send it please

Bumperbowlingfan (Blaine): Alright, i'm gonna be excused to go to the bathroom and watch this

SatansSnixx (Santana): IT JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER

Queen (Quinn): shetakesoutthevag.mpg

Queen (Quinn): Oops was gonna write bag

NotGreenEggsAndHam (Sam): Tag yourself i'm Kurt almost slipping on the floor in terror

Bestguyever (Puck): I'm Rachel yelling "don't make me use my secret weapon!"

Queen (Quinn): brushhitting.mpg

PopnLock (Mike): Poor Kurt he looks so helpless as she hits him with the brush

Bumperbowlingfan (Blaine): What did Rachel scream at him?

Quarterofaback (Finn): "Admit Rocky Horror is better than Little shop of horrors!"

Bumperbowlingfan (Blaine): Excuse me?? Little shop of horrors is WAY better

Bumperbowlingfan (Blaine): DON'T WORRY KURT I'M COMING

SatansSnixx (Santana): Wanky

Brittany (Brittany): Now they are singing

Queen (Quinn): singoff.mpg

Wheelios (Artie): Ok I loved when we did Rocky Horror last year but come on Kurt does a fantastic cover of "Dentist"!

ThegreatestStar (Rachel): WHat ABOUT MY VERSION OF DAMNIIIIII T JANET,,hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfd.w,

Brittany (Brittany): Again, don't text in a fight.

Queen (Quinn): flyingBlaine.mpg

PopnLock (Mike): Tag yourself i'm Santana laughing on the side

Bestguyever (Puck): I'm Blaine dashing for Kurt, making all three fall to the ground

Quarterofaback (Finn): I'm their shocked faces as they realise they are on the floor

Queen (Quinn): aftermath.mpg

Wheelios (Artie): OKAY THAT WAS THE BEST VIDEO YET

Wheelios (Artie): Kurt saying "Okay, Rocky Horror is just as good as little shop of horrors, I just wish to play the dentist one day" and Blaine just getting ready to make out with him there and now

Wheelios (Artie): Rachel saying "Yeah and I love little shop of horrors and I would be a great Audrey because I just love playing damsels"

Wheelios (Artie): Santana going "Audrey 2 or that blonde sqeaky thing?" and Rachel just giving her a murderous look

Wheelios (Artie): RACHEL SAYING "QUINN STOP TRYING TO RECORD UP MY SKIRT"

Queen (Quinn): I wasn't going to record up her skirt jesus 

ThegreatestStar (Rachel): I would've recorded up your skirt if the roles were reveresed

Factsoflifeboy (Kurt): Guys omg

Factoflifeboy (Kurt): Santana just said "wanky!" in such a high pitched voice she fainted

Brittany (Brittany): I'll take her to the nurses office and ask if she wants to record up my skirt when she wakes up

PopnLock (Mike): I'm glad the musical argument cleared up

Quarterofaback (Finn): Me too. I didn't want to choose between my brother and my girlfriend of two musicals I barely know much about other than that I played Brad in Rocky Horror last year

Notgoth (Tina): GUYS WHAT THE HECK I JUST GOT DETENTION BECAUSE YOU WERE BUZZING SO MUCH ON MY PHONE

Notgoth (Tina): WHY DO YOU CAUSE SO MUCH DRAMA

Factsoflifeboy (Kurt): We're theatre kids.

ThegreatestStar (Rachel): ^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of inspired by the chatfic that made me like to write chatfics in the first place!  
> It's called "Soft Janis? In MY groupchat? It's more likely than you think..." by "typical_art_dork" and is a Mean Girls chatfic. In almost every chapter, some character was just... rushing down the school hallways and chaos ensued. Recommending that fic to everyone, it's great.  
> This chapter was... very different that many. Hope you liked it nonetheless.


	70. I'm sleepy again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The best time to write chatfics is when you're tired asf! Because it leads to more chaos

**_New Directions 2.0_ **

Sam: THERE'S A HORSE

Sam: LOOSE IN A HOSPITAL

Blaine: Oh I love that sketch

Sam: No for real

Sam: There is a real horse in a hospital.

Sam: veryrealnews.com

Jake: Holy shit??

Blaine: Okay what

Sam: I AM FREAKING OUT

Sam: What if... the horse is gonna come to my house next

Ryder: Ok i'm scared too

Sam: HORSES ARE SCARY

Blaine: Sam-

Blaine: The horse in the hospital can't hurt you, okay? You're safe.

Sam: ...you sure? :c

Blaine: Very sure.

Sam: Ok :)

Sam: ...now I need to calm down my students, I scared everyone when I was trying to teach them about rock.

Kitty: ffs Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If you forgot, Sam became the coach for the New Directions in the last episode, so. Yeah. Trying to add some canon into the otherwise timeless void).  
> Also, I said that I was thinking of doing a sequel to this fic one day, taking place a bit more in the future where everyone has gotten kids and stuff.  
> But - you seemed to enjoy my little throwback chapter last time, so would you rather want a prequel taking place in like... just glee club in a timeless void era? 
> 
> OR MAYBE YOU WANT BOTH IDK :D


	71. Third gen having singoffs

**_New Directions 3.0_ **

Mason: SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME

Jane: THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME

Madison: Ra rA rASpuTin LOvER OF THE RuSsIaN QuEen

Alistair: Country roaaaaaaads

Spencer: Take me hoooooomeee

Madison: NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN 

Mason: Mads stop ruining couples sing alongs

Roderick: Once I was 7 seven years old

Kitty: I have died everyday waiiiiiting fooor you~

Madison: SOMETHING IS STARTING RIGHT NOW

Madison: SOMETHING IS STARTING OH WOW

Madison: MY LITTLE PONY  
MY LITTLE PONY  
MY LITTLE PONY TAAAAAAAAAAAAAALES

Alistair: Do you wanna build a snowman?? :)

Jane: You spin my head right round right round when you go down when you go down down

Kitty: Gay or european? It's hard to guarantee,  
is he gay or european?

Madison: _well hey don't look at me-_

Roderick: 1 2 7 3 down the rockerfeller street

Spencer: Fun fact that song came second to last when it competed

Roderick: How do you know that?

Madison: **STARLIGHT SWEETHEART MELODY BRIGHT EYES PATCH AND CLOVER BON BON'S BAKING COOKIES GIRLS HURRY UP ALL OVER**

Spencer: I just know stuff

Kitty: Honey what'cha waitin' for?

Mason: Welcome to my candy store!

Jane: Time for you to prove you're not a loser anymore!

Madison: Why should I worry, why should I care?

Roderick: Carried away by the moonlight shadow

Alistair: It's not easy being me, wash your face and brush your hair

Mason: 'cause everytime we touch I get this feeling

Jane: and everytime we kiss I feel I could fly

Madison: Ew

Alistair: Shipwrecked with you, shipwrecked with you, I can't think of a single thing i'd rather do

Kitty: Nah i'm tired I don't wanna write songs anymore

Jane: TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR

Spencer: HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE

Mason: UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGH

Madison: LIKE A DIAMOND IN THE SKY

Alistair: TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR

Roderick: HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE

Madison: Sleep well Kitty we just sang you a lullaby <33

Kitty: ...

Kitty: ok, thanks heh


	72. Rachel said fuck

**_New Directions_ **

Quinn: RACHEL SAID FUCK

Rachel: I DID NOT

Quinn: SHE SAID FUCK

Santana: OMG

Rachel: I DID NOT SAY THAT

Artie: This is a glorious day

Rachel: QUINN IS LYING

Quinn: Three minutes ago. We were cuddling in bed. Rachel was speaking to Kurt on the phone.

Kurt: She has told me she's very much on board with being a surrogate for us, so we're talking a lot about it. I said it would be a big responsibility too, to carry a baby for nine months.

Quinn: Rachel said "Oh it's fine, I have planned it all. I'm already eating healthy and I will do a lot of pregnancy exercises. I also have watched a lot of women giving birth on TV, so I am prepared for all of that"

Kurt: AND THEN QUINN SAYS

Quinn: "You know, when I gave birth to Beth she almost destroyed my entire little area. It was a fast delivery, but that girl almost made my fun button break, if you know what I mean. Which can happen, trust me. I'm glad it didn't, but it was close and it can happen."

Quinn: AND THEN RACHEL GOES "OH FUCK"

Kurt: SHE SAID "OH FUCK"

Kurt: YES

Mercedes: I'M ABOUT TO WET MYSELF BY LAUGHTER GUYS

Santana: If my daughter even dares to break my pleasure center when I give birth, I will never forgive her.

Artie: Wait, you know the genders of your kids now?

Santana: No but i'm carrying a daughter i've decided.

Brittany: I'm planning to do a C-section just so I don't have to worry about that

Santana: That's... smart, actually. You don't think we can plan on the same day so we're guarranteed to get twins?

Brittany: Yeah!

Quinn: ANYWAYS I'M SO HAPPY MY GF SAID FUCK

Rachel: I DIDN'T SAY IT YOU'RE LYING

Rachel: QUINN COME OUT

Quinn: I'm lesbian

Rachel: HJRKDYRY

Rachel: UNLOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR 

Rachel: I DIDN'T SAY IT

Mercedes: You didn't say what?

Rachel: I DIDN'T SAY FUCK

Rachel: WAIT-

Rachel: FUCK 

Rachel: OH NO

Quinn: AHAHAHAHA

Quinn: RACHEL I WANNA MARRY YOU

Kurt: Ooh-

Santana: OMG

Brittany: :o

_Artie has taken a screenshot!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't originally plan for the chapter to end like this but i'm also just writing the first things that comes to mind so here we goooooooo!!


	73. Answer to the cliffhanger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read last chapter you know there was a "cliffhanger" so like. Here's the aftermath.

_**New Directions** _

Rachel: Uh, hi.

Tina: Hello.

Mike: It took you long to write something here again.

Mercedes: What happened?

Rachel: Well, uh...

Rachel: engagementring.jpg

Quinn: engagementring.jpg

Kurt: :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kurt: RACHEL BARBRA BERRY LUCY QUINN FABRAY I AM IN SHOCK

_Artie has taken a screenshot!_

Brittany: CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1


	74. Hmmmmmmmm

_**New Directions 2.0** _

Brittany: I’m gonna tell you some fun news

Brittany: Santana didn’t want me to tell but she is not in this chat.

Blaine: What is it??

Brittany: I’m gonna reveal the genders of our babies

Marley: Oooh!!

Jake: Wait, you’re having babies??

Sam: They have been for like 40 chapters, keep up.

Kitty: Tell us!!!!!

Brittany: Well...

Brittany: I’m having a boy

Brittany: And Santana’s having a girl

Jake: Who’s the father???

Jake: (s)??

Brittany: We don’t know. It will be a fun surprise 

Sam: You know I could be one of them considering I was... you know ;)

Kitty: Wait what

Blaine: Oh uh context Brittana asked for donors off screen and a bunch of guys they knew offered their service 

Brittany: We did not invite Puck but he was there anyways so I hope to god he is not the father of my son

Jake: Come on, do we have that bad genes?

Brittany: No, it’s just he already impregnated a girl. Quinn. He has had his chance, other people should have a chance too

Marley: I think it’s fun you’re getting a boy and a girl!!

Ryder: What names are you giving them

Brittany: That’s top secret

Ryder: Aww :(

Brittany: Ok :D A little hint perhaps... you will never figure it out

Brittany: One is named after a pink haired dancer and another one after a modern day homosexual boy 

Ryder: ...ok??

Kitty: Hold on I got this!!!

Kitty: Uh

Kitty: I will figure it out !

Marley: Are they fictional or real?

Brittany: Are _we_ fictional or real?

Marley: Valid answer


	75. AAAAAAAAAAAH

**_New Directions_ **

Tina: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Santana: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Artie: Good morning to you too?

Brittany: AH

Brittany: Sorry my cat walked on my keyboard

Brittany: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

Mercedes: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Quinn: Oh, children

Quinn: I can beat you

Artie: Oh no

Santana: Oh fuck yes

Quinn: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Mike: Is that all you got? Please.

Artie: OH NO

Mike:

* * *

Rachel: Hi why was the chat unavailable for a while?

Artie: IT WAS MIKE

Artie: HE WROTE SUCH A LONG MESSAGE THE WHOLE APP CRASHED

Mike: My pleasure.


	76. Engagement fondue

_**Fondue for two** _

_Fondue for two! Fondue for two! That's some hot dish! Fondue for two!_

_Brittany: I'm here today with my lovely friend Quinn..._

_Quinn: Hi!_

_Brittany: ...and this is Rachel._

_Rachel: I've been on the show before-_

_Brittany: You are here because you are..._

_Quinn: Engaged!_

_Rachel: Engaged!_

_Brittany: Being engaged is wonderful, isn't it? I wish I was engaged._

_Brittany: But you know, i'm married, so that's much better._

_Brittany: You should get married one day, you know._

_Quinn: That's the plan!_

_Brittany: What are you looking most forward to?_

_Quinn: The wedding cake!_

_Rachel: Showing off my wedding dress!_

_Brittany: When I got married I looked the most forward to the wedding night._

_Quinn: Of course._

_Brittany: Are you planning on having children? Cats?_

_Rachel: Well, i'm gonna be a surrogate to Kurt and Blaine's child first and foremost!_

_Quinn: Then we can adopt a bunch of babies from all around the world!_

_Rachel: Yeah!!!_

_Brittany: Or you can do like me and Santana: Both get pregnant and not know at all who's the fathers at all, so it's gonna be a surprise later!_

_Quinn: That sounds exciting, too._

_Rachel: Quinn, we can't copy Brittana, or they will brag about it for an eternity_

_Quinn: True._


	77. The classic nicknames

_Santana >> Brittany_

Santana: Hey Britt-Britt

Brittany: Hey San

Santana: Britt

Brittany: Tana

Santana: Sweetie

Brittany: Tan-tan

Santana: Ok idk about that

Brittany: It's better than San-San

Santana: Hm

Brittany: Na-Na

Santana: Ok that's something a baby would say

Brittany: I'm baby

Santana: Baby I love you but i'm not into roleplaying as babies

Brittany: I didn't even say that? I just mean that you call me baby because i'm cute and I call you babe because you're hot

Brittany: We're like Hallie and that Tie-Dye girl from Parent Trap

Santana: Oh my god!! I shipped them so much as a kid?

Brittany: "Now that's my kind of woman"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah idk


	78. It's time

_**New Directions** _

Tina: BRITTANA CAN YOU ANSWER

Quinn: YES

Rachel: YES

Mercedes: YES

Kurt: YES

Artie: YES

Mike: YES

Puck: What?

Quinn: BRITT AND SANNY

Tina: THE BRITTANAS

Kurt: THE SASSY COMEDIC LOPEZ-PIERCE DUO

Rachel: BnS

Mike: Rachel wtf kind of nickname is that

Puck: What have they done?

Artie: They wrote "It's time" on social medias

Puck: Time for what

Quinn: That's what we're trying to figure out

Mike: Hmm...

Puck: Did they just write "It's time" and nothing else?

Tina: Yeah, both of them too!

Artie: BRITTANA

Brittany: Hi? You called?

Mercedes: Why did you and Santana write "it's time" on social media??

Brittany: Because it's time

Mercedes: For what?

Kurt: For what?

Quinn: For what?

Brittany: Hopefully they'll come at the same time!

Puck: What?

Brittany: I must go. The doctors don't want me on my phone while they are giving me some medicine

Rachel: ???????????

Quinn: Where's Santana?

Santana: I'm in another room!!!!!

Santana: They can't give out surgery to two in the same room, it would be too chaotic.

Tina: Why are you doing surgery?

Santana: Gotta go! They're gonna cut me open to get her out so see ya!

Kurt: WAIT

Quinn: WAIT

Mike: WAIT

Tina: WAIT

Rachel: WAIT

Mercedes: WAIT

Artie: WAIT

Puck: What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! ;)


	79. Twins!

_Santana added **literally everyone in this fic except for the "villains"** to the chat._

Santana: Devilangels.jpg

Brittany: notkittensbuthumanbabies.jpg

Santana: Yesterday, we both gave birth to our children.

Brittany: So they're like twins even though they didn't share a uterus and technically not the same parents.

Mercedes: THEY ARE SO CUTE!

Sam: The blonde one looks like me! Such cute girls

Santana: It's one boy and one girl

Roderick: What are their names?

Jake: "A fictional dancer and a fictional homosexual" is the kind of information I got

Kurt: MY OVARIES EXPLODED

Rachel: You don't have ovaries.

Kurt: That's because they just exploded

Sugar: Why are you quoting glee spoofs? :o

Kitty: Please tell us their names!!

Santana: Alright ;)

Santana: Please welcome our little devil angels, Simon and Stephanie Lopez-Pierce.

Sugar: Why didn't you name one of them Sugar? 

Brittany: I wanted to, but since we already know one named Sugar we couldn't because then everyone excpects us to name our children after people we know.

Sugar: I once had a dream you two were my mamas so I sometimes pretended like I was accidentally sent from the future to live here.

Tina: KEEP SENDING BABY PICS

Artie: YEAH BECAUSE ONE OF THEM LOOKS LIKE ME

Puck: NO ONE OF THEM LOOKS LIKE ME

Santana: But they look the most like us and that's what is important.

Mike: So you won't ever know which one of the donors is the father/s?

Brittany: Nah. Ruins the fun of the mystery xD

Santana: Except if they want to know, of course. But they have to deal with that themselves.

Madison: BABIES BABIES BABIES BABIES BABIES

Madison: Marley get me a baby

Marley: We can regress Sugar and raise her if she wants two mamas :D

Brittany: Hey! Don't give away attention from us!

Matt: It has been so long since i've seen you two! And now you have babies! And you're... married?

Mason: HE DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE MARRIED-

Quinn: Aww Matt we miss you! We need to catch up!

Mike: MATT

Santana: HEY! We just got babies! We're the reason for attention

Jessi: Wow, they are cute.

Santana: HOW DID YOU COME IN HERE

Jessi: I hacked my way in.

Sue: I hacked in too.

Sue: Just like I hacked your little groupchat once but pretended to be a teenager hacking you so you wouldn't notice

Mercedes: ????

Sue: We're gonna go, but i'm proud of how far you have come and please let them have a play date with my daughter Robin

Brittany: So you were the hacker??

Sue: Yes. 

Quinn: You were a good actress! I swore it was someone like Jessi or some evil warbler or vocal adrenaline kid

Blaine: No warbler is evil, some are just... dramatic.

Mercedes: But wait I asked if it was Sue Sylvester and you said no

Sue: I lied

Sue: Speaking of lying, I have to finish my speech for my presidental campain. Bye!

Jessi: Bye from me too. Congrats on your babies

Tina: GOOD NOW SEND MORE BABY PICS

Mercedes: OR VIDEOS

Quinn: OR VIDEOS

Quinn: JINX

Santana: babyhiccups.mpg

Rachel: aaaaaaaaWWWWWW

Brittany: lordtubbingtonlicksSimon.mpg

Rachel: ..cute : )

Kurt: Are you kidding me Rachel that was ADORABLE

Blaine: YEAH CAT LICKING BABY THAT'S SO WHOLESOME

Santana: Nah, that's enough for today. We want to spend time together now.

Blaine: Have fun <3

Tina: SEND MORE VIDEOS TO ME PRIVATELY LATER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the baby names: Simon is named after Love, Simon and Stephanie is named after Stephanie from Lazytown. That's also what their names would be if I ever finish that Brittana pregnancy fic I started to post and then just kinda grew bored out of, but maybe I'll try to post a new chapter one day.  
> What else? Well, i'm thinking of wrapping this fic up soon... it has gone for almost 80 chapters now! What I will do instead is start a prequel chatfic series!!!! Or, I don't know if it will be much of a prequel, it might just aswell be it's own thing too. We'll see. When I asked, most of you seemed to be more interested in seeing them back at school instead of future when everyone is parents and stuff (maybe I write that too one day, we'll see).  
> I'll write one or two or more chapters on this fic, then it's finished! Wow! This has been so much fun... chatfics are truly like crack to me.  
> Oh and by the way, Santana did invite everyone, but just like in real group chats, everyone doesn't talk, so I hope you didn't get disappointed not seeing Rory or Ryder write something, for example.


	80. FINAL CHAPTER!! <3 ;-;</3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still can’t believe I started this just because I wanted Brittany to speak swedish

**_New Directions_ **

Artie: tartieisendgame.jpg

Artie: Happy new year from me and Tina!

Mike: maybeiconictrio.jpg

Mike: Me, Mercedes and Sam are celebrating new years together!

Santana: PierceLopezfamily.jpg

Tina: SIMON AND STEPHANIE WITH NEW YEARS HATS

Santana: Aren't they adorable

Puck: They have the best genes

Santana: They sure do- LORD TUBBINGTON DO NOT PAINT MOUSTACHES ON THE BABIES FACES

Quinn: I don't think he can hear you, Sanny

Santana: Yes, he can, because he stole Britt's phone

Brittany: Meow

Mercedes: >:o

Brittany: I got my phone back! Sorry for the nasty thing Lord Tubbington just wrote.

Rachel: Well, me and Quinn wishes everyone a happy New Year

Rachel: Also, Kurt... I guess I can tell you here while i'm at it

Rachel: surrogatepositive.jpg

Kurt: !!!!!!GMNFHDKYJSJDBECHGGJMEYKUFJLKHSVUHKD

Kurt: WAIT

Kurt: BLAINE IS NOT IN THIS CHAT

Quinn: THEN TELL HIM

Rachel: YEAH TELL HIM NOW

* * *

**_New Directions 2.0_ **

Blaine: I'M GONNA BE A DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blaine: Also happy new year!

Jake: Congrats!!

Marley: Omg!! <333

Kitty: Wait how are you gonna be a dad

Blaine: Rachel's our surrogate uWu

Ryder: What's a surrogate?

Unique: Ryder...

Ryder: What?

Unique: Nothing.

Brittany: babies.jpg

Brittany: My little darlings wishes you all a happy new year!

Sam: I swear one of them has my genes!!

Brittany: You know i'm blonde, too. Stephanie may have gotten my genes.

Tina: Weren't Santana pregnant with her??

Brittany: Yeah

Tina: So Simon looks more like Santana even if you were preggo with him and Stephanie looks more like you even if Santana was pregnant with her

Brittany: Yeah <3

Jake: Sometimes it be like that, heh.

Tina: They are still vewwy cute!

* * *

**_New Directions 3.0_ **

Madison: HAPPY NEW YEAR MOTHERFUCKERS

Alistair: Happy new year!

Kitty: Happy new year!

Spencer: Year New Happy!

Alistair: Spencer has been doing that all day

Mason: I hope this year will be even better than the last one

Roderick: God yeah

Kitty: This year was fun for me still

Madison: NEXT YEAR IS GONNA BE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW IT

* * *

_Sue >> The Readers_

Sue: Hello, people. I still don't know why you wasted hours reading whatever this was. You must be very bored, or just very easily entertained. Either way, I have been forced to write this message.

Sue: Thank you for reading all of this. Every single character, even the ones not in this chapter, thanks you for reading. 

Sue: Also, the author I guess thanks you too, but honestly I don't know her very well so I can't tell.

Sue: Now if you are kind, you can leave a comment. Maybe tell your favorite part of this fic or something. Fill the author's ego.

Sue: Or you can just leave kudos. Kudos aren't as appreciated but atleast we'll know you have read.

Sue: Goodbye. Stay safe. Happy New Year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU TO ALL THE READERS!! YOU HAVE INSPIRED ME WITH CRAZY IDEAS AND COMMENTS. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!  
> As this chatfic comes to an end, a new one is beginning.  
> Some time in january, I will be starting a chatfic that takes place back when OG's went to high school. Just like this fic takes place in a timeless void after 2015, this fic will take place in a timeless void when the characters went to Mckinley. I don't know if it will be a prequel to this or just it's entirely own thing, but I know it's gonna be a lot of fun!!  
> If you wish to speak to me, my Tumblr is ”weirdthoughtsandideas” and my Glee instagram is ”Scandinaviangleek”.   
> Thank you again. Stay safe. Happy New Year. Love yall.


End file.
